Wednesday, February 8, 2006

Can We Talk?

Krzbizkit writes:

I am having trouble getting my boyfriend of 4 years to think about moving in together. Is it just me or is 4 years long enough to be dating to have this talk? I have really bad issues and being able to talk about what I am feeling, not just with my boyfriend but in all aspects of life. My inability to confront him about these kinds of things kills our relationship. He is 26 yrs old (I am 24) and he just told me last week that he is getting a place with a buddy of his. Am I wasting my time or overreacting like most girls do? I love my
boyfriend so much, he is the greatest person I have ever met.
How can I get myself to open up to him easier and what do you think about this whole living together situation?

Dear Krzbizkit:

Of course, a four year relationship is certainly long enough to justify your wanting to take the next step and move in with your boyfriend. I am concerned, however, when you write that even after such a fairly lengthy involvement, you still have difficulty in opening up to him about the various issues in your life that are proving to be so troublesome for you right now. I'm wondering if at least part of the reason for this is your possibly feeling that, if you were to try and have these "heart to heart" type talks with him, he might rebuff you or not be as understanding as you would like.

If this is what concerns you, please understand that when you're in a serious, mature relationship, sometimes you just need to be able turn to your partner and say, "Look, there's this issue that's really bothering me, and I would very much like for you to hear me out about it." Rather than blow you off or be indifferent, a truly caring partner will indeed listen and try to help in the resolution of whatever problem the issue entails.

In keeping with this, why don't you sit down with your boyfriend and be open with him about your wanting to live together. Present your side of the issue as clearly and sincerely as you can. Perhaps your doing so will not only get him to reconsider his decision to move in with his buddy, but prove to be just the catalyst you need for finally having real conversations with him on a regular basis about everything you've been keeping inside for so long now. Good luck!!