Monday, February 27, 2006

Loosen Up And Have Some Fun

Blehbli writes:

I’m 21 and need some advice. My situation is a bit different than most folks but here it goes. Basically I’m from Colombia and came to live in Boston about 10 years ago. Right now I commute to college in Boston and work at the same time. I have no other family except my brother in the U.S. and my mom passed away 2 years ago from cancer. All my life I’ve been kinda shy until the end of my high school years when I became somwehat more outgoing. I had to take a year off to stay with my mom and I lost track with friends from HS. Basically I’m trying to meet new people, friends and maybe date. However I live a bit far away in Mattapan--about an hour's drive--from the city (Boston), so I hardly ever take part in the downtonw social scene. I’ve tried to join clubs and things at my school, but I realize that I don’t click with most people for they are more into sports, parties… I prefer to explore the deeper things in life and question everything around me. Basically at the moment I have really no friends and nobody to really talk to. I’ve dated once and I guess I kinda miss that, but if anybody could give me some advice or something on how I could meet people, because I would love to be part of some type of social scene….

Dear Blehbli:

First, I am so sorry about your mother. Losing a parent is never easy, particularly when you find yourself in a different country from the one in which you were raised as a child.

Maybe one of the reasons you're having a difficult time establishing social connections, Blehbli, is that at least initially anyway, you might be giving off the wrong signals as far as "approachability" when it comes to meeting new people. For example, you mention in your letter that you "prefer to explore the deeper things in life and question everything around me." There's nothing wrong with this per se, but as the old expression goes, "Sometimes you have to go along to get along." In other words, I think it would be in your best interest to kind of "reposition" yourself socially. Instead of closing yourself off from large groups of potential friends & romantic partners by being perhaps on the aloof and even esoteric side, make an effort to expand your interest in and knowledge of--even if it's on a basic level--the type of things a good number of your peers are into, you know, music, movies and, yes, sports. I bet if you do, people will start respoding to you more positively, and you'll soon find yourself far less lonely and isolated than you seem to be presently.