Friday, February 10, 2006

Mixed Signals And True Priorities

Kelly writes:

Why does my boyfriend keep me separate from his girls that are "friends"? He told me that it should be okay for him to hang out with just his girl friends without me, and just them. Further, he says that he feels like he has to protect his friends from me. He also told me that I will have to love him more than my music? (I'm an artist/musician.) I am having a hard time with these lines of seperation amd now that he says he wants to get married, I want to know if I'm setting myself up for a life lived in subserviance?

Dear Kelly:

There are two issues that you present, but I think they are both related, particularly in light of your boyfriend's wanting to marry you. The hanging out with his female friends matter is reallly not all that unreasonable if you step back a moment and consider it objectively. It is not uncommon for guys to draw these "lines of separation" (as you put it) regarding carving out certain times when they just want to casually hang out with either their girl or guy "buddies." As long as these get togethers are truly platonic, and just for the purpose of having fun, I don't see there being a problem.

Regarding the music issue, again, in view of his expressing the desire to marry you, I think that what he's really trying to say here is that though you may be extremely passionate about your various artistic pursuits, if you guys were to tie the knot, he simply wants to be assured that they won't interfere with his being the true and ultimate love of your life. In essence, then, he, too, it would seem, has concerns about playing the subservient role in the relationship.

In order to best try and resolve this mixed signals situation between the two of you, I suggest you guys have a heart to heart talk about what the true priorities are in each of your lives right now before contemplating taking things to the next level, which in this case is presumably marriage.