Friday, February 3, 2006

Move In With Him Already

Debbie writes

My boyfriend wants to marry me. Not right away mind you - in fact, he said "I don't mean right now, so don't run out the door", but down the road. Ever since he first said it he's thrown it out here and there. Like the other night, we were cuddling on the couch and he asked "Do you know what I want more than anything in the world?" When I asked what, he said "For you to be my wife someday". He's said that just because he isn't my children's father doesn't mean he can't love them like they are his and be a father to them, ONLY if I want him to be. This man is SERIOUS, and it's not freaking me out. I just wonder if he brings it up every other day or so (us being married) because he's aiming for sooner rather than later. We've been inseparable since we got together - there's something so magically compatible going on. Our only major difference is he's hot natured and I'm cold natured - seriously, which is easily solved by handing me a blanket. So I can see it working - I just don't know what a good time table is and don't want to rush into something so big. He's ready for us to move in with him - I think it would give my kids a sense of permanence that isn't really there with living together. Granted, people get divorced all of the time , but I can't move my children without THE committment. So I won't move in, and he's okay and understanding about it. But how do I know when we are REALLY ready to begin serious marriage talk and is that what he's doing by bringing it up so frequently?

Dear Debbie:

I would say when you couple your boyfriend's constant talk about marriage with his seemingly sincere desire to have you and your children move in with him, he is, as you say, SERIOUS in his intentions. In fact, I think where you are right now in your relationship is the point at which a lot of other similarly situated couples begin talking marriage. To wit: He says he would be able to love your children as his own; your compatability is admittedly excellent; you guys are inseperable; heck, you even cuddle! (Even your hot and cold, opposites attract thing going on is charming.) Look, if you're not yet quite ready to walk down the aisle with him, the offer to move in seems quite reasonable at this point, with THE comnitment hopefully coming sooner rather than later.