Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Putting Out On A First Date

Someone wrote in to me recently asking if I would respect a woman who would "put out" on a first date. The answer is, no, I would not. But the question really shouldn't have been addressed to me or any other guy for that matter. Rather, the query would be more appropriately posed to any woman so inclined as to have sex with someone she's either just met or with a guy she's known for awhile but with whom she's on a date for the very first time.

Based on the aforementioned question about sex on a first date, I asked a few of my female friends what they thought. Here's what each of them had to say:

Lauren: "I think it just sends this really sleazy message to the guy. I mean, I would never sleep with someone I'd just had dinner with, let's say, on a first date situation. Sure, there are a lot of guys out there who are only looking for one thing, so, for them, they'd probably think they just hit the jackpot if a woman said, sure, let's do it, baby, if that's what you want. For me, I'd be so uncomfortable anyway, that for that reason alone, I wouldn't do it. I really would need to get to know a guy and have to feel comfortable with him, you know, before I'd consider our sleeping together.

Jamie: No, I've personally never had sex with a guy on a first date. But I certainly know many women who claim that they had a sexual experience of one kind or another with a guy they had just met. Usually their reason for doing so is because they said they were really into the guy or they felt that if they didn't sleep with him he wouldn't ever call them again. For me, I don't put that kind of pressure on myself. Yeah, there have been a few times I've thought about it, but I always come back to the whole not respecting myself in the morning issue. I guess I just think it falls into the only a slut would do that category. Of course, not everyone feels this way, and it's obviously up to each woman to decide for herself what's right for her.

Nicole: I've dated a lot of guys, and, yes, I have "put out," as you call it, from time to time on a first date. I guess I don't have a problem admitting this because, for me, sex is not like this taboo thing. If the situation is right, if the connection with the guy is there, and he's wanting it, then, yeah, sleeping with him after just meeting him is something I'd definitely consider. Sure, there have been times when I've kind of regretted it the next morning, but there have also been times when it just felt so right that the next day was like, wow, that was great, no guilt, no second thoughts about it at all. I think what it comes down to for most woman is their attitude about sex in general. The more open-minded you are and accepting of different lifestyles, let's say, that kind of thing, which is certainly the case in France, which is where I come from, then it really isn't such a big deal, whereas in the US it does seem to be more of an issue for a lot of women I know who don't have the kind of European sensibility about intimacy that predominates among women in that part of the world.

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