Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Valentine's Day Blues

Jesse writes:

Valentines day is the worst day of my life every single year. I'm an 18 year old male, and ever year I watch other people receive their valentines and just sigh. I have never been in a relationship, let alone even receive a valentine from anyone other than my mother or the kids that give them to everyone in the class in like 3rd grade. Am I just a lost cause who is meant not to find love, or am I just waiting longer than most people for something great? I'd love some advice about how I can be more proactive about my problem.

Dear Jessie:

First off, Jessie, if it's any comfort, you are hardly alone in finding yourself sort of on the outside of the dating world, looking in longingly at all those who have a significant other in their lives and are seemingly very much in love. In fact, you'd be quite surprised at just how many people there are out there who are unattached (I hate to refer to Dr. Phil here, but he interviewed Paula Abdul on tv the other night, and she literally broke down about how she--a super rich, successful and beautiful woman--can't seem to find a man. I mean, she was literally in tears about it).

But enough about the whole misery loves company thing. It's obviously bothering you that you don't have someone in your life right now. And, no, you are certainly not a lost cause relationship wise at all of 18-years-old. I don't know what you're social life is like, but I think it's fair to say that if you want to start dating, you need to put yourself out there so as to position yourself to meet people. If you are uncomfortable goint out by yourself to clubs and such, I suggest you work on going out on a regular basis and having a good time amongst a group of your friends. Being with people you're already comfortable with in social settings can go a long way toward boosting your self confidence to a point where you'll soon become more outgoing and approachable than perhaps you've previously been in such situations. In turn, yow will most assuredly find great opportunities for making the kind of love connections that have heretofore eluded you.