Relationships

More Random Observations

I can't quite put my finger on it exactly, but all sudden, Katie Couric has gotten, like, really sexy.

Everyone has that one ex whom you’ll never, ever really get over, even if you end up happily married to someone else for the next fifty years.

Don’t you wish there was such a thing as a “Do Over” card for a date that you screwed up completely--because you were too nervous to just be yourself and relax--with someone whom you were really into?

I don’t buy it when a drop-dead, gorgeous woman complains on tv that she’s so horribly lonely because guys are too afraid to come up to her to ask her out. No, not with all those guys out there who would ask a telephone pole out for a cup of coffee if they thought there would be sex in it for them afterwards.

That really was a great line the other night at the Oscars when, after George Clooney won his Academy Award, Jon Stewart said of him, “Now he can get laid.”

Maybe it’s just me, but all high-end salon, female hairstylists are really sexy.

The whole, “He's Just Not Into You” thing, is now officially OVER!

Isn’t it always a relief when you call someone for the first time whose number you got at a club, and they actually answer (meaning no fake number)?

Don’t you feel like really, really low when it is a fake number?

Why do I always immediately think of Owen Wilson anytime I see a guy with overly coiffed blonde hair?

My girlfriend recently let it slip out that during the height of the "Livin' La Vida Loca" craze she had a really big Ricky Martin love jones. Yep, it's true.

Hollywood has yet to make a movie about a regular, everyday gay couple. The "Birdcage" was over the top ludicrous and "Brokeback Mountain" was overwrought by half.

Any man who wears a button-down sweater with elbow patches--think Mr. Rodgers-unnecessarily ages himself by at least 10 years.

If more guys realized that most women aren't into guys with 22-inch necks, Muscle & Fitness magazine would quickly lose a lot of its subscribers.

When Elizabeth Taylor married that unemployed construction worker guy, Larry Fortensky, whom she met in rehab, that was cool. You go, Liz! (By the way, if you're looking for a comparable but more modern day pairing, pop princess Britanny Spears and her ne'er-do-well husband Kevin Federline come mighty darn close.)

Fame is a definite aphrodisiac. The fact that Clay Aiken and Mick Jagger are considered sex symbols proves the point beyond all doubt.

Did you know that an NYU coed recently got a book published the basis of which was her saying yes to every guy who asked her out during the course of one entire semester. (The book is called "The Year of Yes," and was written by Maria Headley.)

I suppose if Ms. Headley had chosen to say no to evey guy who had asked her out, there would have been no book deal--"The Year of No" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

While women will often resort to downing a half gallon of Haagen Daz chocolate chip ice cream in one sitting as a means of consoling themselves in the immediate aftermath of a painful break-up, men, not so much.

Do you ever feel like you just want to smack Dr. Phil upside the head? (Relatedly, is this the guy who should be making millions off lecturing others on how to lose weight?)

The Importance Of A Good Woman

It struck me the other night, as my girlfriend and I went out to dinner with a stock broker friend of mine, that it really is weird how some people who are completely incompatible can nonetheless make for a great couple. I say this because my friend Drew is the epitome of what it means to be a type A personality. Granted, he is not quite as high strung a guy as, say, CNBC financial and investing guru Jim Cramer (then again, who really is? BOOYAH!), but suffice it to say, Drew’s motor runs on all cylinders every waking moment.

His girlfriend of two years now, Katie , however, is another story entirely. She’s your typical Mid-Western woman: polite, soft-spoken and absolutely without an ounce of guile (she’s also pretty hot-looking, too). I’ve known them both for as long as they’ve been dating, and if anyone would have asked me at the outset of their becoming a couple if they’d still be together today, I would have answered absolutely in the negative. I just thought Drew was going to quickly end up finding her, not only too boring, but unable to deal with his aggressive and prickly side, which, and this is just the amateur psychologist in me speaking, is a manifestation/defense mechanism related to his admittedly stressful and competitive line of work

Surprisingly enough, though, this has not proven to be the case. Not by a long shot. In fact, when he’s with her, Drew is like a completely different guy than from how you might find him to be at the office or when he’s out with just us guys alone. Maybe it’s because he has truly found his calming influence soul mate in her, but when Katie is in the picture, gone are Drew’s staccato and declamatory way of talking as well as his sometimes confrontational approach to interacting with others (which, at 6'3'', 220, Drew can get away with rather easily. It's kind of like imagining a guy like Bill O'Reilly, let's say, being the in your face Bill O'Reilly we've all come to know, except picture him trying to pull off his well worn tough guy schtick if he were 5'6" instead of 6'4", which he is by the way. Can't do it, right? Thought so). In her presence, he magically morphs into a noticeably softer-edged version of himself (think Tony Soprano on his best behavior, in--please, oh, please forgive me, Carmella, for having yet another sex romp with one of the Bada-Bing girls--mode). Now, don’t get me wrong. At his core, Drew is a decent guy. It’s just that in this case, anyway, it really is true when they say: "Behind every good man stands a good woman."

More Celebrity Couples...

Ten Celebrity Couples You Will Never See:

1. Dennis Franz & Jennifer Lopez

2. Jim Carey & Angela Bassett

3. Billy Bob Thornton & Dame Judi Dench

4. Barry Manilow & Pink

5. Dennis Leary & Kelly Clarkson

6. Johnny Damon & Nancy Kerrigan

7. Eminem & Karena Gore-Schiff

8. Jamie Foxx & Martha Stewart

9. McCauley Caulkin & Sharon Stone

10. Tom Selleck & Rosie O'Donnell

The Ten Most Boring Celebrity Couples:

1. Julia Roberts & Danny Moder

2. Diane Sawyer & Mike Nichols

3. Paul Newman & Joanne Woodward

4. Ben Affleck & Jennifer Garner

5. Benjamin Bratt & Talisa Soto

6. Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld

7. Prince Charles & Camilla Parker Bowles

8. Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew Broderick

9. Michelle Pfieffer & David E. Kelly

10. Howard Stern & Beth Ostrosky

Practicing What I Preach Redux

Marc writes:

Well, I saw a young lady since about 6 months ago whom i'm dearly interested in knowing. She has a nice smile, fair skin, white teeth, simple dressing. I Have never gone to talk to her yet, and have not heard her voice yet. I Have made eye contact with her on several occasions, and i'm sure she's noticed me watching her and even
'looking out' for her - she works on the ground floor in the same building as me, but for a different company. Over time, I've gotten to know her office hours, her different routes to and from home and the timings - either by bus or walking - and i've successfully 'bumped' into her few times.

Well, I hope you can me help me out.

Dear Marc:

I've got to tell you, buddy, that in another context, with the whole timing her bus route thing and knowing her office hours, well, some people might view that as somewhat..."stalkerish." In any event, because you do sound sincere in your interest in the young lady with the "nice smile, fair skin and white teeth," let me make a suggestion: Why don't you ASK HER OUT ALREADY?

It sure beats the very time consuming, thus far ineffective cloak and dagger routine. To give you a better understanding of why the direct approach just might be your better bet here, Marc, I am pasting at the end of my response to you a posting I wrote on this very subject just last Friday. I hope you find it helpful regarding your present love quest.

Practicing What I Preach:

Yesterday, I responded to a letter writer who was making flirtatious eye contact just about everyday with a guy she was attracted to on her crowded morning commute subway train. The crux of her letter was that she was reluctant to try and strike up a conversation with this guy for fear of being "rejected." Fair enough. My advice to her, however, was that life is basically about taking chances, and really, what could be the worst that would result if indeed she tried to chat him up and was rebuffed? A few seconds of awkwardness on the train each morning should she come in momentary contact with him?

Thinking about this later on in the day as I was about ready to leave work and myself hop aboard the Red Line on my way home, I decided to do what I advised this conflicted person to do, namely: start talking to a female passenger as close to my age as possible, not for the purpose of exchanging phone numbers or anything like that (something which I don't think would pass muster with my girlfriend), but simply to see what the response would be.

Accordingly, when I boarded the rather crowded train, I scoped out the people standing around me. (What's that? Something about obtaining a seat, you ask? Are you kidding--during rush hour? Forget about it!) As I did so, I noticed a petite, strikingly attractive Asian woman in her late 20's or early 30's, holding onto to the railing a few seats down from where I was standing. A little bit nervously, I must admit, I managed to sidle up to her. Being that she was one of those people who give off neither a friendly or unfriendly vibe, I initially didn't know what exactly I was going to say to her.

Then, mustering up whatever charm I have, I looked right at her, smiled and said, "And to think, for this, they want to raise the fares again?" She kind of looked at me for a second or two with this expression of "Why is this guy talking to me?" on her face, but then, when it finally registered on her that I indeed was directing my comments at her, she smiled back and said, "I know what you mean. Actually, if it wasn't so cold, I wouldn't even be taking the train, I usually walk to Copley Square and get a bus home from there."

She went on to tell me that she worked for an accounting firm in the Financial District, was originally from New York, and had just moved into a new apartment near Boston Medical Center. Though there was no romantic connection--which, again, was not my objective--I had a pleasant three stops running conversation with her, all because I took a little bit of initiative in the communication skills department.

I'll be the first to admit that my little experiment could have ended up with her not answering me or her saying something like, "Get away from me, you creep." But the point is, it didn't. The lesson, then: Sometimes life is good!

When Love And Sickness Collide

Just Wondering writes:

My question is in this world of e-mail, text messaging, is that an acceptable form of communication and closure?

Dear Just Wondering:

Based on the situation you describe in your letter, I don't think what's been going on regarding your boyfriend has absolutely anything at all to do with you. In fact, I think anyone who happened to find herself in the position of being his girlfriend these last several monthts, with the same issues at play, the trip, the text messaging issue, etc., would have been treated in the exact same way. In other words, this is all a reflection of his trying to deal with an obviously overwhelming and extremely stressful health crisis.

Everyone's different, and people respond to emotional turmoil in a multitude of ways depending upon temperment and personality factors. In the case of your boyfriend--and, I think you touched upon this in your letter rather perceptively--he has, to a great degree, chosen to deal with all that he is going through by shutting down and closing himself off from others, including yourself, even though you have tried to provide him with emotional support.

The other aspect to keep in mind as well is--and, again, you yourself mentioned this already--when it comes to guys and illness, many of them indeed view it as a challenge to their sense of masculinity. My sense is that one of the main reasons why your boyfriend has not been wanting to see you in person lately is that he may be going through feelings of despondency and inadequacy perhaps because his being sick has left him somewhat debilitated physically.

However, as he has not come right out and said to you directly that, look, I don't want to see you anymore or we need to break things off, I really think this relationship still has a chance. Further, given all that your boyfriend has been through, this whole, should he or shouldn't he have called, as opposed to text messaging you quandry, seems rather inconsequential at this point. What is of importance, however, is your finding a way to make it clear to him--should he be receptive to such a reaching out on your part--that regardless of his present physical and emotional condition, you still want to try and work things out. And, as I think about it, it does seem that an email or text message to convey such a heartfelt sentiment is entirely inappropriate. Accordingly, keep trying to reach him by phone. I'm sure if you're persistent you will eventually get through to him. When you do, make a strong and compelling case for reconnecting with him in person, with the intimitation that this is something you look forward to greatly.

Best of luck to you and your boyfriend!

Online Dating For Every Persuasion

Are you looking to find a mate online but not getting anywhere using traditional sites like match.com of Lavalife? Well, there's good news for you because there are now dozens of sites offering the chance to qualify your search as niche focused as your beats to its own drummer heart desires. Check 'me out:

Looking for the "Bubba-sized" man of your dreams? Well, you can find him on redneckandsingle.com.

Other specialized sites are bringing together Harley lovers (motorcycledating.com); the Stray Cats crowd (rockabillydating.com); and the heavy ink oriented (tattoedsingles.com).

Do you love Ayn Rand's the "Fountainhead?" If the answer is yes, then you can hook-up iwth other of her fanatical acolytes on atlasphere.com.

Into science and nature are you. Go to sciconnect.com where you can chat with other like minded singles.

For all of you single, self-admitted geeks out there, there's gk2gk.com.

Are you a hot and bothered "Beam me up, Scotty" type? If you need to turn off your phaser berfore replying, then go to trekpassions.com.

Goths, punks and vampires can find their ghoul connection on sites such as gothloveonline.com or the pagan site mind-n-magick.com.

Sites such as LDSsingles.com (for Latter-Day Saints), baptistfriends.com and the well known JDate.com for Jewish singles follow the age old tradition of narrowing the romantic field by religious orientation.

Still other sites are devoted to the disabled and mentally ill, including disabledworld.com, specialsingles.com and nolongerlonely.com.

Is hooking-up at the gym more your speed? Try fitness-singles.com and cyclingsingles.com.

And, believe it or not, theres even a lovematch link on FOX-TV pundit Sean Hannity's webpage called "Hannidate" where "people of like conservative minds come together to meet."

Last, asexualpals.com is a service for men and women who, get this, are not into having sex, but are just looking for platonic relationships. (Yeah, right, whatever you say.)

A "G-Shot" For The G-Spot

Considering that collagen is being used in all manner of plastic surgery procedures these days, it shouldn't be the least bit surprising to find out that women now have the option of having it injected into the G-Spot. Called the "G-Shot," this latest surgical use of collagen is the pet project of Dr. David Matlock, Beverly Hills (where else?) OB-GYN, laser surgeon and passionate defender of a woman's "right to orgasm," (which to the best of my knowledge, and this is purely from a legalistic perspective, is nowhere to be found in the Constitution. But I digress.)

At a cost of $1,800, the G-Shot is exactly what it sounds like: a shot of collagen to the G-Spot, which temporarily enlarges the area, making it easier to locate. After an initial consultation--during which Dr. Matlock first leaves the woman alone in the exam room to find her G-Spot (how nice of him!)--he injects her with a local anesthetic and then administers the collagen injection. The procedure takes less than half an hour.

"If a woman comes in at lunchtime, she'll be he here 20 minutes," says Dr. Matlock.

While Dr. Matlock's quick-fix sex shot may sound like just another expansion of the the ever growing cosmetic surgery menu, it does present one major difference: This procedure is all about utility, not vanity--while the functionality of the G-Spot is improved, no one is actually going to notice any changes to this area aesthetically.

Dr. Matlock presents himself as an ardent feminist, fighting for the rights of women to have their intimacy needs represented in what up until now has been an almost entirely male dominated marketplace.

"If you look in the 'Physicians' Desk Reference' guide, there are 18 different types of medications for men for sexual dsysfuntion," he says. "Is there anything remotely similar for women? They have been left behind in this whole sexual-function business."

Not everyone, however, thinks Dr. Matlock's G-Sot is such a great idea. Sex therapists in particular are skeptical about the merits of sticking a needle into into such a nerve-rich area of the body.

"Intuitively, I would shy away from injecting anything into the G-Spot," says Laura Berman, a sex therapist whose new book is "The Passion Prescription." "We don't know the long-term effects," she cautions.

Berman adds that the benefits of the G-Shot can actually be had more naturally. "You can achieve the same ends with some education and pelvic strength. If you strengthen your muscles and learn how to utilize them, you're essentially doing the same thing."

An additional advantage to following the "do it yourself" approach is that you have the ability to turn it off and on--unlike the G-Shot, which keeps the patient in a state of near-constant arousal for four months. (And the problem with that is?)

Ultimately, Berman says, "It depends on your philosophy: Are you a person who would rather get liposuction than work out?"

Dr. Matlock counters that there will always be those who desire instant gratification. And word of his new procedure is indeed spreading, especially among the younger female clientele, that the G-Shot makes for one wild ride.

"I get women 21, 22-years-old coming in, and I ask them why they want it," says Dr. Matlock. "And they say, Doctor, I just wanna freak! Women want to have the best sexual experience posssible. I see this as huge. Mark my words."

Parenthood & Depression (The News Isn't Good)

You know that old expression, "A new baby is a bundle of joy?" Well, guess what, it's not. According to a recent study by Florida State and Vanderbilt universities and published in teh American Sociological Association's Journal of Health and Social Behavior, people with children exhibit higher levels of depression than those who are childless. This fact held true whether the kids were toddlers or had long been out of the home, living as adults on their own. While the researchers did find that parents with young kids--those under 18--were less depressed than parents of older, adult children, they were still more depressed than their barren peers.

And there was no gender gap: Both men and women appear to be equally afflicted. Interestingly, the research showed that stepparents tend to be spared the higher rates of depression and, as a result, have more in common with the childless sample of the study. Further--and with all due apologies to all those biological mothers and fathers out there--the researchers could find no instance where being a parent provided any sort of ongoing, tangible emotional lift. Even when the nest is finally empty and the parents supposedly have newfound peace and quiet, it seems their children still continue to cause them enough angst to sour a mood.