To respond or not to respond...

I was in a relationship for over a year – it was long distance but we saw each other every six weeks and talked regularly. I was to go to visit him for a week. We spoke on the phone 2 days before I was to depart. The next morning I received an e-mail response that said "Hi, I can't give you what you want right now, call me." So I called and he did not pick-up so I left a nice message, no detail. SO then no return call - so of course I e-mailed, explaining that I was confused by his e-mail and that his timing was inconsiderate as I was going to incur cancellation fees, but it was not a screaming e-mail just the facts - what am I to do inquiry. Stupidly, I called one more time and he did not pick-up. Clearly avoiding me at this point. Ughh - I felt awful (and of course realized okay “he is just not that into you.”)

So I will back-up and give you the background. We shared many common interests, laughed a lot, and had talked about a future together but agreed to take it slow. However, during the last four months, he has been dealing with some health issues and a lot of stress at work. I had to walk a fine line of trying to be helpful without offending his masculinity. I did "listen" and provide advice for work
and health. I did not run over to visit him as I felt he had too much going on and I would be in the way – I also was changing jobs. He leaned on me emotionally but I could tell he was overwhelmed. I did offer to walk away to give him space and he declined. However, if I probed too much about his health - he would back away and declare everything was fine. He did indicate he had
been through a lot and was a bit more closed.

Before the health incident and work stress, he said he loved me, he could see a future together, etc. Anyhow, the night we talked on the phone he was talking about a package that I sent - which was a belated birthday present along with some health articles on his condition and a letter saying I was sorry that he had a rough couple of months, but it seemed things were back on track for him.

He commented that it was a nice package He also let me know that his sister(who was visiting) made fun of the picture and told him I was coming to nest. Which hurt that they did not see that I cared. On the phone he kept asking, "so what are going to do after you leave? What happens after that? " I responded I don't know, we have talked about so many different things - I think we just need
to see each other, it is hard to discuss all this via phone and e-mail. He replied you are this nice caring woman, I loved your letter. I think about you and how good you are to me and I have not been there for you.’ I asked is something up - I need to know. He replied - I want to see you - I miss you, It was not our usual communication but he seemed excited to see me. Then I got the e-mail.

He prides himself on being an honorable good guy. Clearly he has lost those bragging rights. As much as I am bewildered and want closure, I did not reach out. Before I booked the ticket – because it had been such a crazy few months I made sure it was a good time to visit. I gave him every opportunity to be courageous and say it was not a good time to visit.

Now a month and half later he has sent me a text message apologizing -“I was wrong and I am deeply sorry for the pain I caused you.” That is nice to apologize via a text message – but what happened to picking up the phone? I think he was easing his conscience.

I believe forgiveness is part of healing and I can even understand a change of heart about the relationship and my visit but to do it so cruelly – especially when he had several chances to cancel the visit. I am aware that I may have given off some signal to have spooked him. How could I know? - because we have not talked. I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't with this text message.
I can’t text him – he is on a different platform so he is expecting me to e-mail or call. Sure, I am curious. However, if I respond - he is expecting to be reprimanded. If I don’t, I am treating him as he did me. All I would like to say is what caused me the most pain is that he is treating me like I am some dragon lady and he is afraid to talk to me. My friends – thank goodness for their support but they have been just as bewildered by what to do because they had met
him and saw the connection we had. Most of them think I should ignore him until he can step up and call.