Tuesday, March 7, 2006

Practicing What I Preach Redux

Marc writes:

Well, I saw a young lady since about 6 months ago whom i'm dearly interested in knowing. She has a nice smile, fair skin, white teeth, simple dressing. I Have never gone to talk to her yet, and have not heard her voice yet. I Have made eye contact with her on several occasions, and i'm sure she's noticed me watching her and even
'looking out' for her - she works on the ground floor in the same building as me, but for a different company. Over time, I've gotten to know her office hours, her different routes to and from home and the timings - either by bus or walking - and i've successfully 'bumped' into her few times.

Well, I hope you can me help me out.

Dear Marc:

I've got to tell you, buddy, that in another context, with the whole timing her bus route thing and knowing her office hours, well, some people might view that as somewhat..."stalkerish." In any event, because you do sound sincere in your interest in the young lady with the "nice smile, fair skin and white teeth," let me make a suggestion: Why don't you ASK HER OUT ALREADY?

It sure beats the very time consuming, thus far ineffective cloak and dagger routine. To give you a better understanding of why the direct approach just might be your better bet here, Marc, I am pasting at the end of my response to you a posting I wrote on this very subject just last Friday. I hope you find it helpful regarding your present love quest.

Practicing What I Preach:

Yesterday, I responded to a letter writer who was making flirtatious eye contact just about everyday with a guy she was attracted to on her crowded morning commute subway train. The crux of her letter was that she was reluctant to try and strike up a conversation with this guy for fear of being "rejected." Fair enough. My advice to her, however, was that life is basically about taking chances, and really, what could be the worst that would result if indeed she tried to chat him up and was rebuffed? A few seconds of awkwardness on the train each morning should she come in momentary contact with him?

Thinking about this later on in the day as I was about ready to leave work and myself hop aboard the Red Line on my way home, I decided to do what I advised this conflicted person to do, namely: start talking to a female passenger as close to my age as possible, not for the purpose of exchanging phone numbers or anything like that (something which I don't think would pass muster with my girlfriend), but simply to see what the response would be.

Accordingly, when I boarded the rather crowded train, I scoped out the people standing around me. (What's that? Something about obtaining a seat, you ask? Are you kidding--during rush hour? Forget about it!) As I did so, I noticed a petite, strikingly attractive Asian woman in her late 20's or early 30's, holding onto to the railing a few seats down from where I was standing. A little bit nervously, I must admit, I managed to sidle up to her. Being that she was one of those people who give off neither a friendly or unfriendly vibe, I initially didn't know what exactly I was going to say to her.

Then, mustering up whatever charm I have, I looked right at her, smiled and said, "And to think, for this, they want to raise the fares again?" She kind of looked at me for a second or two with this expression of "Why is this guy talking to me?" on her face, but then, when it finally registered on her that I indeed was directing my comments at her, she smiled back and said, "I know what you mean. Actually, if it wasn't so cold, I wouldn't even be taking the train, I usually walk to Copley Square and get a bus home from there."

She went on to tell me that she worked for an accounting firm in the Financial District, was originally from New York, and had just moved into a new apartment near Boston Medical Center. Though there was no romantic connection--which, again, was not my objective--I had a pleasant three stops running conversation with her, all because I took a little bit of initiative in the communication skills department.

I'll be the first to admit that my little experiment could have ended up with her not answering me or her saying something like, "Get away from me, you creep." But the point is, it didn't. The lesson, then: Sometimes life is good!