A bond that keeps giving

It's a common dilemma for parents. Everyone wants to teach their children more about charity and helping the needy -- optimally through hands-on experience -- but where do you find the right opportunities?

Plenty of generous families show up at soup kitchens and nursing homes during the holiday season, eager to pitch in at the time of year when most people's thoughts turn to charitable giving. But how do you provide your children with year-round opportunities to give of their time?

Bunny Santullo thought she knew the answer when she was preparing to move her family from Ridgefield, Conn. , to Concord, Mass.: join the National Charity League, whose mission is to foster mother-daughter relationships through hands-on community service and philanthropic projects.

There was one problem: The nearest chapter was in Canton.

So Santullo went about organizing the Middlesex chapter of the national organization for girls in seventh through 12th grades and their mothers.

That was in 1999. Today, Santullo is the district director for New England, and the Middlesex chapter -- one of 139 in 15 states -- has more than 75 mother -daughter pairs. There are only two chapters in Massachusetts.

Sarah Hart of Carlisle participates with both of her daughters: Katie, now 14, and Campbell, who is 12.

"NCL is wonderful because it's not a social club," said Hart. 'It is social in that it gives us the chance to get to know other families, but it's really about working together as a mother-daughter team and helping out in ways that really matter."

Hart said she particularly likes the organization because "girls join it when they are entering seventh grade -- a time when they generally start to spend far more time with their friends than their families."

Katie Hart said that she has been able "to help at all kinds of events that I wouldn't have otherwise known about.

"We work with an organization called Access Sports, which gives mentally and physically challenged people the chance to participate in sports like rock-climbing and wind-surfing," she said. "We helped row one of their boats in a regatta."

Campbell Hart recalled working on a gardening project for Gaining Ground, a Concord organization that grows fresh produce and donates it to low-income families.

Beth Clarke of Carlisle joined the group last spring with her 12-year-old daughter, Charlotte.

"Since we're not church-goers, this is a good way for us to interact with our community," said Beth. "It's also a chance to broaden both of our worlds."

For example, one of the more than 20 social service organizations that NCL Middlesex supports is the House of Hope in Lowell, a residential center for unwed mothers.

"We prepare dinner , and our girls play with the little kids there to give the young mothers a break so they can have a house meeting or just enjoy some private time," Clarke said. "It's a real eye-opener for our girls to see young women living in this fairly stressful situation, raising their children with no dads around, sharing everything. Our girls are at just the right age for this kind of thing, too. The exposure grows their world at the time when they're ready to have their world grow a little bit."

Each mother and daughter in the charity league is required to put in a minimum of 15 hours per year of volunteer service, according to Melinda Shumway, Middlesex chapter president . It's not all work, though. The charity league's mission also includes cultural and educational components, and each chapter attends some kind of professional performance once a year. The girls vote on the event: It might be modern dance, instrumental jazz , or theater. Every chapter also holds an annual tea, designed to teach the girls the basics of formal etiquette.

CC Donelan of Concord realized the importance of charity league membership to her daughter Caroline when CC suggested that Caroline cut back on some of her extracurricular activities last fall.

"She said no way did she want to give up NCL," CC said. "And it made me feel good to see how much she values it. As the youngest of my three kids, Caroline sometimes doesn't get a lot of my attention. But through NCL, we have a commitment to spend a certain amount of time together every month, and I think that's really important to her."

Seventh -grader Susan Huyett discovered how rewarding it is to feel needed when she and a friend spent an afternoon delivering care packages to elderly shut-ins. "I really like helping the older people in the community, because their faces light up when they see us," she said.

"This is a neat opportunity for girls and moms to do something together," agreed Susan's mother, Lauren. "It gives me a chance to work not only with my own daughter but with other girls her age in the community. And Susan gets to know some other moms."

Kelly Davin and her mother, Ellen, who live in Carlisle, made a special connection through one of their charity league assignments that has transformed the lives of everyone in their family.

A staff member at Minuteman Senior Services told Ellen about a woman named Frances , who, at the age of 96, had recently suffered a stroke. She suggested that the Davins could bring some meals to Frances' s apartment.

"Over the past year, we've developed a great friendship," Ellen Davin said. "She's had a very tough life and is now pretty much homebound. All three of my kids have met her and consider her a great inspiration. She has really demonstrated for Kelly and my two boys firsthand what some of the hardships of life can be like."

Kelly, a senior at Concord-Carlisle High School, said that when she first joined the charity league, "it just seemed to me like a good way to meet other girls from Carlisle and Concord.

"I've been part of NCL for five years now, and this year I'm the president of the senior girls," she said. "It's a lot of work, but it's such a great opportunity. I've learned so much about how to reach out within my community and help people."

By developing a one-on-one relationship with a particular needy person, Ellen Davin said, her children have become more creative in their perspective on charity as well. Like most girls her age, Kelly has given up her CD player in favor of an iPod, so Kelly suggested to her mother that they bring her CD player to Frances' s quiet apartment.

"We set it to a station that plays Christmas carols," Ellen said.

Shumway, the chapter president, said she strongly believes that participation in charity league will have lasting effects for her daughter and other girls.

"My hope is that they will learn by example . They see us moms get involved. They know that we're all busy but we squeeze out the time . The organization provides a unique way for mothers and daughters to spend time together. It's a much better bonding experience than going shopping."