Kim Kardashian’s Nude Photos Aren’t Just About Her Butt

The last 24 hours have been rough on everyone. We’ve all been living in constant fear after some lady threatened to destroy the Internet with a picture of her butt. And while the early signs indicate that literally nothing has happened to the Internet since the butt picture came out, we’ve been a little stressed because, as the saying goes, where there’s butt, there’s other stuff.

Last night, that other stuff finally came out (link NSFW) and it shows that this “Kim Kardashian’’ means business when it comes to threatening the web. We’ve covered the most dangerous parts of the photos with black boxes because this is all too horrifying.

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New pictures put out by Paper Magazine (whose name suggests it would seemingly have no interest or involvement with the Internet) show the front half of the backside that was published on Wednesday. It’s terrifying stuff and we’re legitimately concerned it could hurt our beloved online community.

We’re determined to get to the bottom of this. Who the heck is this Kim Kardashian and what did the Internet ever do to her? More important, has she ever done anything else before this? We honestly have no idea who she is or why she matters, and it doesn’t make sense that someone who has never contributed anything to the world would threaten to take down its digital infrastructure for no reason.

Maybe someone out there can help us — someone on the Internet. If you, dear readers, know who this woman is, anything important she’s ever done, or why we should care about her, please let us know in the comments because we can’t come up with a damn thing.

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September 21, 2017 | 6:45 AM