Sandra Oh and Andy Samberg kicked off the 2019 Golden Globes Sunday night with a lighthearted topical monologue, fake-zinging audience members with incredibly nice compliments, riffing on some of the nominated shows and films, and lampooning the Academy Awards for still not having a host.
The pair joked that by the time the Globes were done, “one lucky audience member will host the Oscars.” They also mocked themselves over how they landed their own hosting duties in the first place.
“Now, some of you may be wondering why the two of us are hosting together,” Samberg began.
“And the reason is, we’re the only two people left in Hollywood who haven’t gotten in trouble for saying something offensive,” Oh finished.
The pair then launched into a barrage faux-insulting jokes, serving up rude-sounding openers, only then to laud audience members like Spike Lee, Bradley Cooper, Gina Rodriguez, Michael B. Jordan, Amy Adams, and Jeff Bridges.
“Hope you’re wearing your flip-flops, Hollywood, because we’re about to scorch some Earth,” Samberg joked.
Here are some of the notable jokes from the pair’s opening monologue.
— “Well if it isn’t Spike Lee, Mr. ‘Do the Right Thing,'” Samberg said. “Well I’ll tell you who does the right thing — you, as a director. Lifetime fan, can’t wait to see what you do next. Bam!”
— “Hey, Bradley Cooper,” Oh said. “You’re hot.”
“Daaaaaamn,” Samberg yelled. “This is live on television! No take-backs!”
— “‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ was a massive hit this year,” Oh said. “Rami Malek wore Freddie Mercury’s teeth throughout the entire film.”
“Can you imagine how hard that must have been?” Samberg said. “I mean, first of all, you have to get the family’s permission to exhume the body. I don’t even know where you would begin with that conversation.”
— “‘Vice’ is the most-nominated film of the night,” Oh said. “‘Vice’ is an intense drama about Dick Cheney.”
“But it’s actually up for Best Musical or Comedy because it erroneously invaded the wrong category based on false intelligence,” Samberg finished.
— “Claire Foy is nominated for her work in ‘First Man,'” Oh said. “‘First man’ is also how studios look for directors.
“First, man!” Oh continued, adopting a caveman impression. “If no man available, then pair of man. Then team of man! Then eventually, maybe woman?”
Oh ended the monologue on a serious note, explaining why she took the hosting job and saying how amazing it was to see so many diverse faces in the crowd.
“If I could take a moment here in all honesty, I said yes to the fear of being on this stage tonight because I wanted to be here to look out into this audience and witness this moment of change,” Oh said. “And I’m not fooling myself. I’m not fooling myself. Next year could be different. It probably will be. But right now, this moment is real. Trust me, it is real. Because I see you. And I see you. All these faces of change. And now, so will everyone else.”