The best jokes from late-night hosts on election eve

Late-night hosts went all-in on election night 2020 in their Monday night monologues.

Stephen Colbert.
Stephen Colbert on Monday's episode of "The Late Show with Stephen Colbert." –CBS

The hosts of late-night talk shows were fully focused on the 2020 election during their opening monologues Monday night. Jokes from Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, Stephen Colbert, and the rest of the gang focused on recent events surrounding the campaigns of Donald Trump and Joe Biden, including Trump’s tacit threat to fire Dr. Anthony Fauci in his second term, a group of Texas Trump supporters that reportedly tried to run a Biden campaign bus off the road, and the wall that was erected around the White House ahead of Tuesday’s election.

Here are some of the best punchlines from Monday’s shows as well as clips from each monologue so you can watch them yourself.

Building a wall … around the White House

Advertisement

One of the most widely joked-about topics was the recently erected wall around the White House.

“You know s*** is real when even the White House is putting up extra fences and barriers, although hopefully they aren’t letting Trump decide what a good barrier is,” said “Daily Show” host Trevor Noah, before launching intro a Trump imitation. “‘We don’t need a fence, we should just put a slightly steep ramp — no one can get past that, they’re so dangerous.’”

“Right now, they’re erecting a massive protective fence around the White House in the event that things get crazy,” Kimmel said. “It took four years, but Trump finally got his wall built.”

“The fact that people are boarding up their businesses for an election should alarm us,” Kimmel said. “If anyone needed any more proof that he did not make America great again, there’s plywood in the windows at the Wetzel’s Pretzels across the street from us. Our pretzels are under attack. What else do you need to know?”

“At this point, I’m not sure if Trump’s trying to keep protesters out or keep himself in,” Fallon said.

Biden’s unwelcome caravan

Late-night hosts also riffed on a group of Texas Trump supporters that surrounded a Biden campaign bus on Friday. While the FBI is investigating, Trump voiced his support for the group, which allegedly tried to run the bus off the road.

Advertisement

“Their campaign bus was surrounded by a group of Trump supporters in trucks [who] tried to allegedly run it off the road, even though the words ‘No malarkey’ were clearly printed on the side of the bus,” Kimmel said. “Still, they insisted on engaging in malarkey.”

“Well, it took two years, but Texas is finally being menaced by Trump’s ‘terrorist caravan,'”  Colbert said.

“That was my biggest complaint about this year,” Fallon said of the roving truck gang. “It wasn’t quite ‘Mad Max’ enough.”

Fauci firing?

Late-night hosts also took note of Trump responding to chants of ‘fire Fauci’ at a rally by telling them to “wait until a little bit after the election.”

“The one piece of good news for Dr. Fauci is that now that his firing has become a rally chant like ‘lock her up’ or ‘build the wall,’ it means it will actually never happen,” Noah said.

“Firing Dr. Fauci, smart move,” Kimmel said. “The only good person in the whole administration, but go ahead and fire him because a group of people who sell nightcrawlers out of their minivans started to chant for you.”

“In a few days, we might be getting coronavirus updates from Dr. Lil Wayne,” Fallon said.

“So there we have it, Donald Trump won’t listen to the nation’s top infectious disease expert, but he will listen to the chants of an angry mob,” said James Corden. “I mean, Trump’s basically like, ‘Once I don’t have to worry about reelection, I’m really going to f*** this whole thing up.”

Advertisement

Watch the rest of the late-night monologues below.

Get Boston.com's browser alerts:

Enable breaking news notifications straight to your internet browser.

Turn on notifications

Great, you’re signed up!

Jump To Comments
Conversation

This discussion has ended. Please join elsewhere on Boston.com