Thanks Internet! WikiHow Gives You a Step-by-Step Guide to Stopping a Wedding

A newlywed couple poses for photographs with their wedding rings
A newlywed couple poses for photographs with their wedding rings –REUTERS/Kim Hong-Ji

WikiHow’s tagline boasts that it can teach you how to do anything, and it doesn’t look like there are many boundaries to that claim. Just look at this article, titled “How to Stop a Wedding.’’

It begins with:

We've all seen the movies where a person halts a wedding in progress in order to get back the one they truly love. In reality though, halting a wedding from going ahead is a very delicate situation that can easily backfire on you and spoil a significant day. If you believe you're justified in doing so, however, here are some suggestions for going about stopping a wedding with class and dignity.

There are, apparently, two methods to this classy and dignified wedding stoppage. You either try before the wedding or at the wedding. Here are some highlights of the more ridiculous steps:

Make sure you truly feel as if halting the wedding is your only option. You most likely have a history with the person about to tie the knot, and you must be certain that your odds of winning him or her back are favorable and desirable.

Be very cautious about "crashing" a wedding. If you were not able to contact the bride or groom beforehand, and you are sure that you want to proceed, find out the location of the wedding. Unless you have been invited, you will have to find out where the wedding ceremony is to be held, and the exact time. Ask family members or mutual friends if it doesn't appear too suspicious, or perhaps check the wedding notices in the local newspaper.

Prepare your speech. If you're going to put a stop to something that has taken months to prepare and probably even longer to agree to, what you have to say needs to be incredibly compelling. Writing out a speech, rehearsing it, and learning it by heart are absolute necessities to overcome nerves and to project it from the heart

The elements of a well-prepared speech include building an effective case, keeping it brief but powerful, and expressing your undying devotion to the bride or groom.

What happens when you actually get to the moment of truth?

Object. When the reverend, marriage celebrant, or judge asks if anyone should object to the marriage, step forward between the first few rows of seats in the back of the room. Boldly but smoothly raise your hand and say, "I object."

At this point you must immediately provide a reason why your beloved must not marry the other person. This is where your well-rehearsed speech will ensure that you sound convincing and will help prevent you from coming across as weak, crazy, or insecure. WARNING: If you make untrue allegations against another person you're likely to be sued.

Enjoy life with your bride or groom. Be aware, however, that you're never guaranteed a storybook ending. Someone who is likely to walk from a wedding may be afraid of commitment, and insecure in relationships. This could pose problems for your relationship.

There are also a few helpful tips and warnings:

Be prepared to cover the expenses of the wedding if you get your heart's desire. It's only fair recompense and you may be legally responsible for these expenses if you succeed.

Objecting to a marriage is risky and your odds of pulling it off are slim at best.

Unless you want to face immediate repercussions or you're dealing with a very understanding family, it might be a good idea to move to a different part of the country afterward. You should have a job and place to live in mind before you depart.

Your 'beloved' may hate you.

Seek psychological counsel. What you are suggesting is rare, not normal, and will cause life-changing memories for everyone in the room. You may also want legal counsel -- if you make any negative remarks about another person you're likely to be sued for slander.

(H/T @DavidGrann)

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