I like the way Nikki in “Wicked Single’’ says that girls should keep their mouths shut when watching a game with guys. She’s right. Look, if you want guys to like you, you’ve got to be able to sit still, chest forward, and look pretty. And by pretty, I mean having a peanut-butter-colored tan, incandescent hair, and shaved eyebrows that leave a light fossil imprint on the lower forehead.
Nikki is the Snooki figure on VH1’s new “Jersey Shore’’-like reality show, which premieres on Sunday at 11 p.m (also showing on MTV at the same time). She is the breakout character, and I, for one, am hoping that when “Wicked Single’’ hits it big, and becomes the next major TV sensation, Nikki will make it onto the talk-show circuit and into the publishing world. Maybe Rutgers University will pay her $32,000 to speak, just as they did Snooki in 2011. Maybe, if we’re lucky, some uber-creative reality producer will give us “Snooki ’n’ Nikki: Accent on Fun.’’
After all, Nikki and the five other “Wicked Single’’ stars are exactly how Boston should be known across the country. Really we couldn’t ask for better branding than this show, which provides a glimpse of the kind of nightlife some of us have and all of us secretly want. What fun to hang with Chubs — named after his belly, you dirty mind — and watch him get crazy loaded and gyrate on the dance floor with his shirt off and sweat dripping off his body. When Chubs downs a bunch of RBVs — Red Bull and vodkas — and gets loose with the music like a happy donkey, it’s legendary. Lucky are the ladies who end up in his bedroom with green towels tacked onto the windows. You’ve got to admire a guy who can slap a girl like Chelsi in the butt and leave a mark for three weeks.
But wait, “Wicked Single’’ doesn’t just portray the joyous side of life, with loud bar conversations and, two times with Nikki, falling down. It’s not a superficial show, no matter what the critics may say. There are complex dramatic moments in the premiere, particularly revolving around Nikki’s bestest-ever best friend in the world, Rachel, who has been sorely mistreated by her former roommate Jaime. Rachel and Jaime have confrontations in clubs, with Jaime being all, “You are so mean,’’ which is so totally not true. Rachel is not a drama queen who likes to create the kinds of big train-wreck scenes that fuel reality shows such as “The Real Housewives’’ series, I don’t care what people say. She’s a sweetheart who just wants to be loved. Is that so wrong?
The romantic lead is Joe, who lives with Chubs in a bachelor pad they call — this is so funny — Club Med. He and Rachel (who looks a little like Elisabeth Hasselbeck, a little like a blond Sandra Bernhard) kind of sort of maybe have chemistry, but Joe still likes to play the field. “I hook up with a lot of girls,’’ he admits. Or as Chelsi puts it, “I don’t know how he pulls tail like he does, but he kills it.’’ At 24, Chelsi is the youngest member of the “Wicked Single’’ group, and she is in no rush to get into a relationship. “I’d rather have an awesome time and laugh,’’ she says, “and create deplorable behavior.’’
So thank you, VH1, for throwing these people together for a few lessons in life, love, and vodka. So what if their Boston accents aren’t nearly perfect. Team Boston appreciates your effort.