People dream of weddings — and then people have nightmares where everything at their wedding goes wrong.
After five explosively popular Emmy- and Golden Globe-winning seasons of “Modern Family,’’ Cameron and Mitchell were (finally) preparing to tie the knot last night in “The Wedding, Part 1’’ when the aforementioned nightmares came to life.
From the miniscule (Manny having a volcanic pimple on his left cheek), to the relatively mild (Cameron realizing he errantly took home dry cleaning that didn’t include his tux), and the colossal (a forest fire licking at the wedding venue grounds), the soon-to-be wed couple and their family spent the episode’s entirety dodging wedding-crushing bullets.
Adding insult to injury, the ceremony, which was moved up from 5 p.m. to 1 p.m. to avoid being engulfed by said sprawling wildfire, was called off by the fire department in the episode’s final minutes. Apparently a nearby fire crossing an interstate doesn’t bode well for an outdoor wedding.
Until Wednesday night’s season finale, we’ll be asking the folks at ABC: Now what?
Here’s a tally of all the major things that went wrong:
1. Mitchell’s mom, DeDe, breaks her hip during a yoga retreat (not in the episode) and can’t come to the wedding.
2. Cameron realized he picked up the wrong dry cleaning and his tuxedo is stuck at the dry cleaner.
3. Phil has his eyes dilated at the eye doctor the same day as the wedding — which means he can’t pick up Luke and Alex has to drive him to/from his appointment.
4. Andy’s taxi never comes to pick him up for his flight to Utah to see his girlfriend (whom we find out is really his ex-girlfriend) and Haley, much to her dismay, has to drive him to the airport. Not directly related to the wedding, but fits the dysfunctional theme.
5. Cam’s parents have a tiff (that no one else can detect) in the beginning of the episode and before the end, the pair decide they want to split up after 48 years of marriage.
6. Mitchell and Cam go to the dry cleaner to retrieve the tux, only find out it’s closed for a “family situation.’’
7. Pepper calls Mitchell to tell him about the wildfire and that the wedding is being moved up from 5 p.m. to 1 p.m.
8. Lily breaks into the dry cleaner through the express drop-off box, climbs onto the counter, and gets stuck on the clothing conveyor while searching for the tux.
9. The shop’s owner shows up just as Cam is about to smash the window (very bad) and helps him get his clothes while Mitchell retrieves Lily, undetected (very good).
10. After Claire drives out to a campsite to pick up Luke for the wedding, the pair get stuck in a dingy with a dead motor and no paddle. Note: Claire was feeling sorry for herself since Luke usually has more fun with Phil, so she joined him for the boating excursion.
11. The wedding begins and as soon as Lily starts her flower girl-ing down the aisle, the firemen show up and say the area has to be evacuated because a wildfire is dangerously close.
That said, the negatively-themed episode created some real-life bright moments. On Monday, just five days before Massachusetts celebrates its 10-year anniversary of same-sex marriages, ABC paid for all marriage licenses obtained at the New York City courthouse.