Welcome back, “Bachelorette’’ fans! It’s week 2 and we are one step closer to finding Andi her true love. After a promising opening night (see our recap here), our Bachelorette is down to 19 eligible contenders for her final rose.
The First One-on-One Date
Chris Harrison drops in at the mansion to deliver the first date card and it’s got Eric’s name on it. Andi tells us she picked Eric because he’s cute, cultured, and has traveled the world. Listening to him talk about his adventures, you can’t help thinking about the terrible accident that took his life. Just like that, we’re crying again.
Andi and Eric head to Ventura Beach to kick off the date. Andi, tanned and toned to perfection, looks fab in a white crocheted bikini. Clearly she has managed to squeeze in a few lunges in the run up to her “Bachelorette’’ stint. They build a sandcastle on the beach and Eric quips adorably, “We’ve already built our first home together.’’
A beach date is not enough for these adventure-seekers. A helicopter, a “Bachelor’’ staple, arrives to whisk Andi and Eric off for a snowboarding lesson. Eric is a pro, but Andi has the good humor to enjoy really sucking at it.
Later over some apres-ski dinner, Andi utters the least sexy come-on in the history of the show: “Tell me about Syria.’’ Rarr. Fortunately, Eric actually has a pretty good story about his time in the Middle East. It’s clear he’s a total catch, and Andi offers him the rose (duh). Eric’s pretty optimistic in the post-date interview: “I don’t want to throw out the L-word yet but . . . this could be the first date with my future wife.’’
The Group Date
How will Andi top a pretty flawless time with Eric? Brian, Marquel, Bradley, Craig, Brett, Patrick, Cody, Carl, Tasos, Josh, Ron, Marcus, Nick S., and Dylan are all about to find out. Yes, it’s the now-standard group date where they force the contestants to get naked in the name of a good cause! With the help of the “Hollywood Men,’’ a Magic Mike-style dance troupe, the men are going to strip down to their skivvies and get jiggy with it. All the proceeds will go to “The Bachelor Gives Back’’ so it’s nice, not pervy. Sure, let’s go with that.
After a rigorous audition process, the men are divided into two teams of four and two solo acts. Each act gets its own profession, because nothing is more sexy to women than a man with a job.
– Josh, Marquel, Bradley, and Craig make up Team Cowboy. Yee-haw. Poor Craig is nervous about taking his shirt off amidst this unnaturally ripped genetic pool of men. “Look at Marquel’s body,’’ hisses Andi. Oh honey, don’t worry, everyone’s already looking. Except Craig, that is, who has his eye on Josh. “Josh is a stud . . . he’s incredible,’’ he gushes. We love Craig; he would definitely get our final rose on the My New Best Gay Friend show.
– Nick S. gets the second solo and is inexplicably dressed as an enormous silver robot. He removes his costume to reveal a red thong, and then turns and touches his toes for the crowd. The show censors out the ugly stuff for us viewers, but poor Andi gets an eyeful.
– Next up are the firemen: Carl, Brett, Dylan, Pat, and Bradley. MVP goes to Dylan for shaking it in Chris Harrison’s face. Least Valuable Player to Carl for being an actual firefighter and ruining the fantasy for everyone.
– The U.S. armed forces, consisting of Cody, Tasos, Ron, and Brian, march in and strip down to — what else? — camouflage. Cody, the personal trainer who has a suspicious familiarity with stripper moves, dedicates his abs to Andi and everything else on him to charity.
– Hot Marcus gets a solo, of course, and nails it as a sexy aviator. He’s super nervous but he needn’t be because the man sure can rock a pair of tighty-whiteys.
Now that our contestants have successfully given back, they get a party to celebrate. Some choose to celebrate more than others. “I love Josh’s face so much now,’’ slurs Craig, before pouring himself more shots. Before long he’s in the pool with his clothes on, while Tasos looks on judgmentally. The producers eventually have to send Craig back to the mansion to sleep it off.
Andi is not pleased. She gets all dramatic for a minute because no one is taking this serious enough y’all! Phantom of the Opera Bradley fails to cheer her up by singing for her yet again. (Did someone die and leave a spot open in Il Divo? Have some dignity, man.) Luckily, Hot Marcus saves the day with a romantic walk and some sweet conversation. He gets the group- date rose for his efforts.
The Second One-on-One Date
Adorable Iowan farmer Chris, i.e. real-life Kevin Costner from “Field of Dreams,’’ scores solo date #2. Spoiler: Apparently Chris is not actually some small town farmer who plowed under his corn to build a baseball field but is actually a wealthy midwest plantation owner type.
Andi takes him to the Santa Anita track for a 1940s-themed day at the races. Chris gets outfitted in a dapper suit and bow tie and says he feels like “Pretty Woman.’’ The pair get some life lessons from an adorable couple who has been together for 55 years. Andi’s hoping for a similar happy ending (“If only I can pick the right horse!’’).
Farmer Chris clearly got wind of the Craig situation and reiterates to Andi about eight times that he is here for her. This easily earns him the rose. Chris scores even bigger with the first spit swap of the season. Is this heaven? No, it’s “The Bachelorette’’! (Look forward to many more “Field of Dreams’’ references for as long as Chris survives).
The Rose Ceremony
Chris Harrison hosts one last “plead your case’’ cocktail party. And the men have come prepared.
Nick V., worried since he didn’t nab a date this week, presents Andi with his own homemade date card inviting her to “get things popping!’’ His grand gesture works and they share champagne. Not super exciting given that this show seems to have bubbly on tap, but Andi likes it.
Andi also participates in a Greek plate breaking tradition (“Opa!’’), admires Marquel’s bold fashion choices, and watches a sock puppet show. Craig has recovered from an undoubtedly epic hangover and mans up with an apology song for Andi.
But it is Josh who walks away as the big winner of the night; he has great chemistry with Andi and secures kiss #2 of the episode.
Andi ultimately doles out roses to Ron, Dylan, JJ, Marquel, Andrew, Tasos, Josh, Cody, Nick V., Patrick, Brian, Brett, and Bradley. They join Eric, Marcus, and Chris in the Top 16. We say good-bye to firefighter Carl, professional golfer Nick, and drunkety drunk Craig. Don’t let the door hit you on the way out, boos. As to who’s looking good for Week 3:
The Post-Show Power Rankings
1. Farmer Chris. Rose + first kiss + helping Andi forget Craig’s drunken antics = top spot this week.
2. Hot Marcus. Still Andi’s favorite to look at and he showed off some killer dance moves.
3. Josh. In addition to nabbing Craig’s effusive endorsement, he scored the second kiss of the season without even having a one-on-one date. Baller move.
4. Nick V. During a heart-to-heart before the rose ceremony, Andi and he figured out they want the exact same thing in a relationship: someone who really likes them. Talk about compatability.
Andi’s says she’s excited about her chances — what do you think? Is there a proposal in her future? According to next week’s preview, we can at least look forward to a good old-fashioned boy-band sing-off and the always fun exposure of someone “who’s not in it for the right reasons.’’ Set your DVRs for two nights of “Bachelorette’’ awesomeness next week (Sunday and Monday at 8 p.m. EST).