He Has Superstar Potential

We’ll chat next week (after I figure out our new chat software).



I need another perspective on this. I’m a single woman and admit I jump into relationships too quickly sometimes. I’ve had long-term relationships and one marriage (I’m 46).

I met a guy online and fell in love. I didn’t play games about what I wanted. Things were going well, but he complained about his life and money a lot. Then we had a misunderstanding and he showed his jealous side. He accused me of still having feelings for my child’s father, which couldn’t be further from the truth. During this fight, he dumped me and blocked my phone number. I called him and cried, telling him I developed feelings but that he was forcing me to moving on. He has an iPhone so I knew it would be in his blocked messages if he ever checked.

I rebounded and got him out of my system. And just when I thought I was totally recovered (two months later), he called. I told him I still had feelings for him and that the breakup hurt. He said we moved too fast. Nothing changed after we reunited, though. He complains about money and child support and it is too much. He says he would spend more time with me if I had WiFi so he could work on his business. I work in IT, so I don’t mind going without internet at home. I’d rather enjoy music, cooking, and spending time with my child outside of work, so I only have my TV and phone. He is fixated on that. He is so negative.

But I see a superstar in him underneath, and it saddens me. I feel at my age I don’t want a relationship with so much negativity. I’m trying to break up with him but I truly love him. I just wish I could make it all better. Should I try because I see something in him or let it go?

– Should I try?


Thank you for writing, but you don’t need me. You answered your own question a few times in this letter.

“I don’t want a relationship with so much negativity.”

“He is so negative.”

“Nothing changed.”

You’re in love with this man’s potential, but he’s given you no indication that he plans to transform into a superstar. You shouldn’t wait for him to become someone else. It’s better to spend your free time finding an entirely different person.

The good news is that you learned plenty about what you want right now. You’ll take some negativity in a relationship, but you’d prefer to be with someone who balances the complaints with great joy and optimism. You want the kind of partner who understands how you like to spend quality time at home (WiFi not included).

It will be sad to lose him, but you’ve done it once before. This time it might be easier.

– Meredith

Readers? Any reason to wait on this decision? Thoughts on the WiFi?

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