What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
I fell in love with someone March of 2021, and about a year later he told me it was best if we parted ways. He wanted to move to another state because he had a dream of accomplishing hikes out there. Needless to say, I was crushed. We ended up dating long-distance for a few months, broke up, got back together, and ultimately ended things for good at the end of 2022.
When we first broke up this second time around, I thought I wasn’t taking it as badly as I did the first time, but after finally hitting the milestone of a month apart, I find myself crying all the time. I know time heals wounds but I just can’t seem to stop thinking about how he is no longer in my life. It does not bring me comfort knowing that one day he will be a distant memory. How do you get over someone you are still in love with?
– Unrequited Love
Think about how you signed your letter, because it sounds like your love was requited. You and this ex were together for a year and attempted long-distance. The two of you are on different paths now, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t care. Don’t mess with that narrative.
Also, try not to force yourself to get over him. You’re in love with him and grieving the relationship. There is no fast-forward button for that.
It should get better over time, but for now it’s about living with these feelings. Sure, you miss him, but does that prevent you from seeing friends, hanging out, and laughing a lot? Sadness shouldn’t stop you from making new memories and connections. That can be a focus right now – planning things to do that will make you happy, and then enjoying them.
The other task is removing him from your routine. You won’t always know what he’s up to, and there’s no more checking in like you used to. In that space, call people in your community and ask how they’re doing. Focusing on others can take you out of a bad moment.
Please know that even though time can heal wounds, it doesn’t minimize the importance of people. You’re not going to have some sort of “Eternal Sunshine” or “Men in Black” mind erasing event that will make him disappear. Over time, your memories of him might become more vivid. You might be able to enjoy them more with better context. Great loves stick around up there, I think.
You don’t have to let go, you just have to keep moving.
Readers? Advice for month two of this breakup?
Practical advice, here: go through your home and remove all mementos, gifts, photos, etc. Delete all email, chats, contacts. Challenge yourself to get into new routines (as Meredith suggested) to force your brain to learn new things and not ruminate. Work out…exercise is cathartic. In a few months, get back out there and date again with the intent just to meet new people. Look for a new job that will challenge you to grow. If you have the means, take a vacation to somewhere you’ve never been. All this to say: keep living your life and this too shall pass.penseuse
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