What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
I am 23 and from a small town. I am currently dating and living with my 24-year-old boyfriend on his family farm. We have been together three years.
It has been a great relationship and he has been nothing the best, which is a big change from my previous relationships. But I have noticed that lately, the last couple months or so, I can’t shake the feeling that I no longer want the life I’ve chosen. You see, the farm we live on is all my boyfriend will ever want – and it is amazing.
But recently I just have been feeling like it isn’t what I want for myself. Months ago, we went to visit my friend in another state, and honestly, ever since then, it’s where I’ve wanted to be. So my question is: how do I break up with the most amazing person that I still love, because I want something different?
– Something Different
All you have to do is say the words. I know it’s not easy.
My advice, though, is to tell him soon. Why? Because being on the bad end of a breakup can be that much more baffling when the breaker upper has already processed the decision, grieved the loss, and moved on. That happens a lot, I think. Someone makes a decision, over a long stretch of time, to end their relationship, but they don’t tell the other person until the last minute. Then, when the truth finally comes out, the other person didn’t see anything coming.
It’s going to be a shock no matter what (assuming you’ve made some commitment to stay on that farm), but that’s why it helps to get it all out there. Tell him what you told us: he’s wonderful and the farm is beautiful, but after your visit to see your friend, you know that this living situation is no longer right for you. Explain that it’s been difficult to admit to yourself, but you know it’s true.
Maybe the breakup becomes mutual at that point. He probably wants a partner who’s enthusiastic about his life.
Please know that you won’t be walking away from the only great significant other in the world. Now you know what it’s like to be in a relationship that makes you happy. It’s an experience you’ll carry with you.
Readers? How do you say it? Do you wait a bit to be sure?
Have advice for today’s letter writer? Be helpful. Be clever. Get your comment featured here.Meredith
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