Is Dating Really A Numbers Game?


Hi Meredith,

It’s been two years since you published my letter, and I owe you an update.
I did make the move to San Francisco, and Mr. SF and I dated for about a year. Ultimately, we broke up because neither of us felt “in love.”

In the past year, I’ve resumed my relentless search for love — in bars, on dating sites, and even with a professional matchmaker. Even though I’m still single, I have been meeting a lot of great guys. I feel hopeful (most of the time, at least!) that I will eventually meet the man for me. Honestly, I’ve been having more luck in the SF dating scene than I ever did in Boston, so I think moving was the best decision for me. I still miss Boston sometimes, but I have a great job, life and friends here.

One question I’ve been pondering recently: Is it possible I’m looking too hard for love? They say it’s a numbers game, but I’ve been on literally a thousand first dates. Frankly, I’m exhausted and thinking about taking a break. Does love really happen “when you least expect it,” or is that just giving up? Keep in mind I’m now 32 and time’s ticking.

– Still Single in San Francisco


It’s possible to overdo the dating thing. I mean, 1,000 dates is a lot of dates. It must be difficult to remember how you felt about them. And how do you make time for second and third dates if you’re always looking around to see what’s next?

If you’re experiencing dating fatigue, you must take a break. Because the dates won’t be good unless you feel like having them. That whole “love happens when you stop looking” thing is basically nonsense, but I do believe that love tends to happens when you don’t feel rushed, pressured, or exhausted by social interaction.

Give yourself a month of no dates (and no website checking) to clear your head. Hang out with those great friends and spend some time thinking about balance. Dating shouldn’t feel like a job, but if it does, you have to take vacations.

Readers? How often should she be dating? Is she overdoing it? Is dating really a numbers game?

– Meredith

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