Hi Meredith,

I know what I want in a partner, despite being only 22. This is not to say I have a list or need certain physical traits, but over the course of growing up I’ve been in close proximity of very dangerous relationships, leading to the disappearance of a relative a while back. In high school I dealt with very serious sexual harassment from a peer for years, and was never taken seriously by the adults I talked to. I unwillingly had my first kiss and other minor firsts in that experience. As a result, I’ve maintained due diligence of who I choose as partners, and my efforts wildly paid off when I began my first year in university. I met this truly amazing guy who always prioritized my safety and rooted for me every step of the way. He’s the coolest. We recently broke up after about four years of dating, but I still feel so lucky to have experienced the relationship in the first place. I worked really hard to get there.

Our breakup wasn’t because we “fell out of love,” but because we had too much on our individual plates to dedicate enough of our attention to a virtual relationship. This is also our fourth time doing long-distance after studying abroad at different times during undergrad. I understand that forcing a partnership in a time of great personal need is a valid cause for a breakup.

My concern now is that despite our breakup, I still want this person for me long-term. I’m even more stunned now, post-breakup, about how little was wrong with us and our partnership (that wasn’t pandemic-related). My loved ones loved him. I find it alarming this person was everything I had been hoping for, and that I know I will likely love him for the rest of my life. I feel a sense of serenity with him by my side, even when we are discussing a disagreement (we would actually treat ourselves to ice cream after, or slow dance). Is what I’m feeling first love or long-term? We agreed we needed to break contact (including social media) to give ourselves proper space to cope, but he also said he’s not sure if we made the wrong decision in breaking up, and doesn’t like the thought of becoming strangers. Should I even entertain the idea, if ultimately we are not together?

– Braving New Heights