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Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
Dear Love Letters,
I am truly brokenhearted, unlike anything I have ever felt in my life. It’s been thirteen months and I cry every day.
I have dreams a couple of times a week … and I never dream about exes. I loved him to my core.
It’s been a dark and lonely year for me. I broke up with him because I couldn’t trust him. He used me, took advantage of my giving heart … he was a taker. Ironically, he is liked by many and has lots of friends.
He played with my emotions and told me the right things every time I tried to break up with him. He truly only cared about himself and his needs. He pursued me, and then I found out he was married. When his wife finally left him, he lost all interest in me. He had his freedom and no longer was himself. I broke it off several times and then got gaslighted back in. Now I am so broken.
How do I get over this when his this man still has his friends and has moved on?
His friends are not your friends. You don’t have to see, think about, or google them (please don’t).
Also know that if this man is a professional taker – if he gaslights people who are kind to him, and is comfortable betraying those who love him – these friendships probably aren’t as great as you think. Let’s not assume that any part of his life is aspirational. We do not know that he is living in bliss with his newfound freedom.
Similarly, you feel broken, but you aren’t forever altered. It makes perfect sense that you’re retracing your steps and processing this great betrayal. But now is temporary. You do not have to label yourself as an easy target for this kind of person. This relationship taught you what it looks like to be with someone who takes, someone who is charming without good intentions. You know how to trust your gut when it’s time to break it off.
You can feel whole again. You can do so many things, especially now that this disappointing human is out of your way. Yes, there will be grief, and moments when you hate that you miss him. But please remember, as you give yourself time to heal, that the person who found freedom here is you.
Readers? How do you move past knowing that an ex who hurt you seems to keep living their best life?
Read your letter back to yourself. There’s nothing there that says you should even like the guy, nevermind be heartbroken over losing him.CuppaJoeSeattle
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