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I am an 18-year-old high school senior who just had a breakup with my boyfriend. We were only together for about three months, but it was the first time I ever cared deeply about someone. He was the first person I dreamed about a future with, and the first guy who made me feel a spark. I really want him back. However, we only broke up three days ago, and I know I might just be saying this because of how recent our breakup was. That being said, he still wants to be friends.
I saw that he was posting really X-rated things on social media and following other people in the area, and I got jealous, so I deleted all social media. I plan to go back and re-download mid-January. I know this is a stupid high school relationship, but I feel awful. It was kind of out of the blue.
He says that we broke up due to his depression, the distance, and COVID, but I think we broke up because I wanted to talk with him too much. I blame myself and I can’t live with myself. Please help.
– Broken Up
I want to start by saying that I’m sorry you’re going through this, and that you’re not alone. Breakups – the ones that are out of our control – feel terrible. The second-guessing, the loneliness, the wondering … it’s all part of it process. Yes, some breakups are pretty effortless, for whatever reason, but many of them involve some kind of grief. It is real a loss, so don’t feel bad about the misery. It’s not a “stupid high school relationship. No such thing.
The relationship did mean a lot, which is why it’s best to give yourself some real time to get over it. You shouldn’t be bombarded with his social media posts. There’s no reason to re-download anything. At the very least, don’t follow him. It’s not rude to block or unfollow; it’s called self-care. It’s good for you. Also, it’s too early for friendship. If he asks, tell him you need time to re-set.
Let’s say you’re right about the breakup and that it ended because you wanted to talk to him a lot. All that means is that he’s not a match for you. You deserve someone who’s psyched to communicate. And really, the reasons he gave do seem real.
I know it doesn’t help to hear “this is normal, you’ll get through it over time.” After a breakup in my 30s someone told me that, and I wanted to scream … despite being in my 30s. But … they turned out to be right. After developing new routines, calling on friends, making more friends, admitting when other people were cute, etc., I was able to put the breakup in my past. I started to get excited about who I might meet in the future.
COVID doesn’t help the getting-over-it process, but please try to stay busy. Give your attention to people who make you laugh. Watch good shows (or whatever you like). Breathe every day and think about the cool things you might do over the next few years.
Readers? Tips for coping with a first breakup when COVID-19 limits so much? Thoughts on social media and friendship after a breakup? Anyone want to say how they got over their first breakup?
Easy. Go easy. Yes it hurts. Being friends right now is not a good idea. All the best kid.TheArtfulMoosedodger
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