What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
I’m in college. I met a guy and fell for him instantly. He is a transfer student from Italy. We had a whirlwind romance for about three weeks. We spent every minute together; he would take me out on dates, kiss me in front of everyone, etc. I realized that his actions were different from his words. He said he did not want a serious girlfriend right now, but asked me to go to his sports practices, and never seemed comfortable with me going to lunch with other guys (I went anyway).
I asked him what we were and we had a long conversation about it. He said that his feelings for me keep growing and getting stronger and that he does not want a serious girlfriend right now because he just came to America, new life, new friends, etc. We went from basically living together to not really any sort of contact now. He explained to me that he was really confused and needed time to think. He said it would be better if we stopped hooking up also because I explained that it wasn’t something I would really like if we were not in a relationship. Whenever I see him, he gives me a huge hug hello and touches my face and then we go about our ways. Do you think he will ever decide what he wants/if he wants to be in a serious relationship with me? Or should I just move on.
It sounds like it’s time to move on. Yes, he told you he needed time to think, but he didn’t ask you to wait around for some sort of answer. He’s made it clear that you’re no longer in a relationship. With the exception of those huge hugs, he’s really tried to avoid any ambiguity. No more hookups. No more partnership. He hasn’t gone back on any of that.
It’s disappointing, but that’s where he is. He’s trying to build his life and wants to be single while he does it. It was an important three weeks, but the timing was off.
Something tells me that you wouldn’t have been able to keep up with the relationship either, by the way. You wanted freedom at lunchtime. You might not have been ready to spend 24-7 with someone you just met. Whirlwind romances are very exciting – but they’re only sustainable if they can slow down without stopping.
Readers? Time to move on?
Have advice for today’s letter writer? Be helpful. Be clever. Get your comment featured here.Meredith
Sign up for the Love Letters newsletter for announcements, hand-picked letters, and other great updates from the desk of Meredith Goldstein
Stay up to date with everything Boston. Receive the latest news and breaking updates, straight from our newsroom to your inbox.