Hello Meredith and LL Community,

I dated someone named G when I was a teenager, and because of the typical move away to school, we broke up but stayed in each other’s lives for the better part of our 20s (we are in our mid/late 30s now). Platonic group vacations with friends, visits to where the other lived, holidays, one-on-one dinners. He had a girlfriend through college and beyond, and we never revisited getting back together despite our friends pushing us to do so. However, we fell out of touch because I got busy with family stuff almost a decade ago.

I have been in a relationship with Z for the last seven years, a person I count as my best friend. We’ve had ups and downs, family emergencies, moves, job changes, and we are solid. There has not been intimacy for a few years, and that’s on both sides, but we are taking steps to work through it. We always shoot straight with each other when we talk. I am still happy to come home every day and spend time with him, and he is amazingly emotionally supportive of me. I’m still in love, and love him very much. So why am I writing?

Well, I went to an event and ran into G. Feelings came flooding back more than I expected, and I got scared and confused. He wants to reconnect as friends, but we both know there are feelings. Looking at both on paper, G is a better fit for me. He is financially stable, responsible, and smart; our families like each other, and they have known me for 20 years. Z has a stable job, but is not well compensated for it. He is not ambitious, has no concrete responsibilities, and while our families don’t dislike each other, they aren’t warm toward either of us. I have been the primary source of financial support in our household for the six years we’ve lived together. Z is smart, he is a good fit for me, and we share a sense of humor. I don’t want to break up a seven-year relationship for a question mark on my feelings. If G never re-entered the picture, I would have been fine giving him a transient thought every year on his birthday and continuing to plan my life with Z. I’m not sure I can be just friends with G.

I continue to make future plans with Z but I am scared that I am staying with him out of obligation. Is this just bad timing and a sign that G and I are not meant to be? I know I am prone to overthinking, but did I already answer my own question of whether to stay or go? Any advice is appreciated.

– Overthinking