A.I think a lot of people would tell you that if they were dating someone new and wonderful, and that person changed their communication style and started texting less, there would be big-time insecurity. Who wouldn’t feel that way? Even if his communication was exactly as it has been, dating someone great is stressful – because there’s something to lose.
Stop punishing yourself for feeling a bit unsteady. The beginning of a good relationship is weird because you’re trying to enjoy it, but also asking, “Wait, is this something that might last?” It’s a lot to process.
That said, I’m glad you’re going to therapy to sort all of this out because it’ll help you figure out how your past affects your present, and how you can communicate your needs to someone new without asking for too much. Most likely, there is no way any person can sleep over every night, text all day, and FaceTime multiple times on a trip. That’s a lot to keep up with, and there are bound to be some days with less. You can practice talking about that in therapy. You can also come up with strategies for dealing, which might include staying busy with a lot of other things to think about.
Please remember that this isn’t just about you trying to keep him around. You’re also evaluating him – deciding whether he might be a good partner. You might be the one who ends the relationship at some point.
Sometimes letter writers seem so focused on keeping someone interested that I wonder if it distracts them from making their own decisions about the person in front of them. If this guy starts being bad for you, you should want him gone.
– Meredith
Readers? Tips for battling insecurity during this phase of a relationship? Is it worth bringing up with him? Too soon?
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