A.Sometimes when I’m feeling weird about life, I tell my therapist I’m very uncomfortable. She looks at me and says something like, “Yes. That’s true.”
What she’s telling me is that discomfort is part of life. It’s not always bad, even if we don’t like it. It’s a feeling that pops up when we experience change, and once we get used things, it might feel better.
I don’t believe you have to learn to love being single before you date the next person. Some people are happier coupled, and that’s OK. I do believe that if you can have fun while you’re alone, and set up a life that brings you happiness without a romantic partner, you’ll pick a better one. You don’t want to jump into the wrong relationship because you’re scared to do things by yourself.
My advice is to sit with the weirdness and spend time alone or with friends. There’s no need to take a huge vacation without companionship, but how about a day of errands and a movie? Or maybe try a full afternoon of doing stuff alone around the house, and then dinner with one person who won’t be going home with you.
After more time by yourself with less discomfort, consider dating – not because you need partnership, but because you can date for fun, to see who’s out there, without jumping into the next relationship. Odds are, the next person you have a romantic dinner with will not be your life partner. Part of this is learning to take the next step without jumping too far ahead.
For now, though, get through another four weeks. Make a playlist and see some nature while listening to it. Find a show to binge. In moments of discomfort say, “Well, yes.” It would be weird if everything felt simple and easy right now. I’m sure your single friends would tell you that too.
– Meredith
Readers? How do you get used to being alone after you’ve been partnered for years?
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