“But after four months am I not allowed to expect some consistency in his behavior?”

It sounds like he’s been pretty consistent, to be honest. He’s yours when he’s alone, and when he has the kids, he gives his time and attention to them. At this point, you know what to expect. You just have to figure out the specifics and whether the relationship can grow enough every other week.

I do think you can ask him about how to best communicate when his kids are with him. Is it better to text after a certain hour? What works with his schedule? Waiting hours on a response to a message doesn’t seem like a big deal, especially if it’s an off-week, but if you feel like you’re hiding for days, that’s another thing. What are some work-arounds?

Talk to him about what you said in this letter, and be clear you don’t have any intention of getting in the way of his time with his children. But you’d like to set some better and more understandable expectations so you don’t feel ghosted. Let him know that any guidance from him would be appreciated.

I hate to keep blaming feelings on the pandemic – some insecurities have nothing to do with how we’re experiencing life right now – but I do think it’s made all primary relationships that much more important. It’s not as though we can spread the wealth and hop over to a friend’s house on a free night. Remember that these off-weeks are great times to catch up with others, do a puzzle, watch some TV, etc. If you talk to him and better define the expectations for your time alone, you might be able to enjoy the space.

– Meredith

Readers? What are your expectations for communicating with a partner when they’re with their kids? At work? Doing other important things?