What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
My boyfriend and I have been together for about seven years now. Last year we took a break for a few months and then decided to get back together. Ever since we have gotten back together, nothing has been the same. His behavior has changed. He no longer takes pictures together and posts them on social media, invites me out with his friends or family, or even just asks me to be his plus-one.
I believe he could be the one for me and I really do love him. I just hate being so jealous when he goes out and doesn’t ask me to go with him. I dislike having to watch him share it all on social media – the fact that he is out with his friends. I feel like that’s something I can’t force him to do with me, and I understand that his friends time is time for himself. But if he says he sees me in his life in the future, don’t you think he’d bring me – his girlfriend of seven years – to family dinners or even friends’ outings? I really am trying to understand why I get so jealous when he’s around his friends and I don’t get asked to come along.
– Not invited
The social media thing is tricky. I know many people who post a zillion photos of friends but refrain from sharing anything that involves their significant others. They don’t want to turn their Instagram feeds into a gallery of romance. To be honest, I think it’s an age thing, too. Some of my younger friends are very conscious of how their accounts might affect peers who are struggling with dating.
In your boyfriend’s case, it also might be about your history as a couple. It’s possible that social media became more complicated for him during your break. Or perhaps when he’s with you, he’d rather be present than collect evidence of the night. I don’t know.
The bigger problem is that you feel left out – a lot. He should be able to enjoy his friends on his own without you being jealous (friend time is good!), but if you’re never invited along – if you’re always passed over as a plus-one – that’s an issue.
You didn’t tell us why that break happened or what prompted the two of you to get back together. It sounds like that’s the more productive thing to think about – whether you’ve both recovered from whatever it was that broke you up. It’s time talk about how you’re doing. It’s the best way to answer those other questions.
Readers? Thoughts on the social media question? When do you share photos of significant others? Are you more likely to share pics of friends?
You gloss over the breakup but I’m betting it was pretty heated. You both said some awful things you shouldn’t have and then he told everyone what you really think of them. Now no one has to pretend to like you. Move on, this relationship is toast!? ConcernedCitizenOnDuty
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