He Doesn’t Spend Time With Friends


I am a longtime reader and felt compelled to write in after reading a recent letter. It seems I have the opposite problem as that writer. I feel as though I am a very social person. I genuinely enjoy spending time with my large family and friends, whether that means going out to dinner or drinks, cooking a meal together, going to workout classes with each other, going to the movies, etc. My boyfriend of eight months is an only child with an extremely small family. He only has a couple of friends, and they’ve started families of their own. He rarely sees them, probably about once every two months, if that.

I understand women tend to be more social beings than men, but this has me worried as I think about the future of our relationship. I not only think it is a little odd to have no friends to plan things with on the weekend, but I also can’t get past his lack of desire to do so. He is an introvert and enjoys spending time at home by himself, which is the opposite of how I am. I will bring him out with my groups of friends and family, but when I do I notice he seems distant and doesn’t want to be there, and doesn’t make an effort to be nice to and get to know them. When I think about us moving in together, it makes me nervous that there will be pressure on me to always be his source of entertainment since he doesn’t have anyone else to do things with. I would love to hear if this is something other people have written in about or have a similar issue with. I do love him and we work well together in most aspects of our relationship, but I’m not sure if it something I can get past.

– Social Butterfly


I can’t predict whether this will be a deal-breaker for you. I can only tell you that you it’s not in your best interest to try to change him. It won’t help to push him to do things he doesn’t want to do. You’re probably tempted to say, “Why don’t you call a friend?,” with the hope that he’ll discover some new, fantastic social life, but that’s not going to happen. If he says he’s content to be home, accept that as an answer.

That doesn’t mean he will rely on you to be a main source of entertainment in the future. He’s probably used to keeping himself busy. Based on what you wrote in your letter, he doesn’t expect you to ditch your plans for him. He just might not want to join you.

To be honest, the biggest problem here doesn’t seem to be his lack of friends. It seems harder for you to deal with how he engages (or ignores) your community. You want to be with someone who asks questions and remembers details about the people who are important to you. If that’s a major priority for you then yes, you might be with the wrong partner.

– Meredith

Readers? Are you with someone who’s more or less social than you?

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