What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
I hope you enjoyed Friday’s updates. If you’re a former letter writer who wants to add your update to the mix (we like to know how it all worked out), email [email protected] with “update” in the subject line. Submit your new relationship and dating questions to [email protected] or fill out this form.
I have been following your blog for a while and I thought I would finally get around to writing. I met a wonderful guy during the pandemic and it’s been an amazing six months now together. I finally found someone I just click with on every level, and our feelings for each other are so genuine. We are in love.
I’m 37 and he’s 30, and I find myself looking to the future and wondering where we will be in a few months or another year. And maybe it’s just my biological clock ticking but I also don’t want to sabotage something so soon, but I can’t help thinking this just won’t last in the long run. I don’t know if I want kids, but I guess deep down I do know that I will need to have them sooner or later. He’s still so young and, well, I just don’t want to bring up such a serious conversation, but I also don’t want to fall even harder for him when I know our age may be a problem in the long run.
He’s eluded to the fact he would love to have kids one day, so I know that answer, but I guess my question is: when is the right time to have such a conversation or convey my concerns about our age difference? Or do I stay quiet?
– Clock ticking
“I don’t know if I want kids, but I guess deep down I do know that I will need to have them sooner or later.”
It sounds like you do know you want kids. But … think about whether that’s true, please. You don’t have to do anything.
This man is understands your age and the reality timelines. It’s probably too soon to ask whether he’s signing on for forever, but it makes perfect sense to talk about his openness to having kids within the next few years. You can admit that if you were 32, you might not be asking. But at 37, you want to think about the possibilities. He doesn’t have to come up with a detailed five-year plan, but if he knows there’s no way he wants kids anytime soon, you can make choices based on that information.
The right time to have the conversation is … well, whenever you’re comfortable and in the same space. There’s no way around the awkwardness. My advice is to tell him that he doesn’t have to have any immediate answers. Let him know this is something you’ve been thinking about, and you’d appreciate it if he could give it some thought too – so that you can talk more about it later.
Remember that at eight months, you might decide this guy is not someone you want a life with at all. You’re not proposing that any of this happens tomorrow. The relationship is still new. Again, you’re just thinking about potential.
Readers? After six months, when does one bring this up and how?
Have advice for today’s letter writer? Be helpful. Be clever. Get your comment featured here.Meredith
Sign up for the Love Letters newsletter for announcements, hand-picked letters, and other great updates from the desk of Meredith Goldstein
Stay up to date with everything Boston. Receive the latest news and breaking updates, straight from our newsroom to your inbox.