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I’m so sorry about Friday. We didn’t fix the blog issue until 3 p.m. and that seemed a bit late for posting. I hope you had a good weekend, and here’s a letter about restaurant behavior. Also, send your own question via this form, please – or email [email protected].
My boyfriend of five months is very social and outgoing. He has a dynamic personality due to his career as a DJ and having spent years in the restaurant industry.
While out to dinner with me, my boyfriend said to the waitress, “I love your face” when she brought out the appetizer, and then again when she brought out our meals. They exchanged banter amongst them relating to food, cooking, and even music and recent concerts. (We were the only patrons in the small restaurant). I felt he was sending flirtatious vibes and she was sending them right back. She came up to me privately and asked if we were “friends.” She then asked if I was married and then told me I was “pretty.”
My boyfriend denied he was flirting and said “it’s just my personality to be super friendly … it’s not like I wanted to have sex with her.” Is it is personality or was he flirting in front of my face and disrespecting me big time?
I mean, yes, at the very least, he was engaging with someone else right in front of your face. Was he disrespecting you? Maybe not intentionally.
He should be interested to know, though, that the night made you uncomfortable. He should also pay attention to the fact that his friendliness was also flagged by the server. Clearly, she thought she might be getting hit on. You weren’t the only one to misread his vibes.
I think the next conversation with your boyfriend about this issue should be less about his intentions and personality, and more about whether he can understand why you felt uneasy. Also, this wasn’t some random party where he was talking to a stranger. He said “I love your face” to someone who was at work. Can he think about why that’s its own issue?
This doesn’t have to be a fight about disrespect. A good start is knowing that he can listen and understand. If he doesn’t allow for discussion or he says this is just who he is, you might not be someone who can be happy dating the DJ.
Readers? Flirting? Disrespet?
Have advice for today’s letter writer? Be helpful. Be clever. Get your comment featured here.Meredith
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