He Didn’t Tell Me He Saw His Female Friend

I’m sorry chat didn’t happen yesterday. We had a tech problem (clearly). I’m abroad for the week and will return Wednesday, so we will chat next Thursday (and I promise it’ll work). In other news, all of the books have been distributed. There’s only one of each, so they go quick.


Hi Meredith,

I am a 20-year-old Christian woman. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years. We currently live together in my parents’ house, but because they are very conventional, we have separate rooms. He is originally from a town about 2.5 hours from where I live that gets rocky cell reception. He goes up occasionally to see his friends and family, and most of the time I have to work.

He and I have changed a lot of things in our relationship. Recently, we’ve gotten better in terms of trust and not arguing over the petty things. But while he was visiting his parents recently, I logged into his Facebook to leave him a cute message on his profile. I noticed messages between him and a good female friend. Now, I did have a time when I didn’t trust his female friends, but I have realized that they are important to him, too. This friend was talking to him about meeting for lunch while he was visiting his parents.

There were more messages a few hours later about how great it was to see each other. When he returned home, he told me everything he did — but left out the part about seeing the friend. I didn’t say anything (because that would mean explaining I’m a jealous girlfriend) but it’s been weighing on my heart ever since. What do I do? It’s been a few months now, and I haven’t seen the messages in his inbox. Should I talk to him? Or just bury it and be happy? Please give me some Meredith advice.

— Sincerely, Hating Social Media


You logged into his Facebook account? To leave him a message? That sounds like a major invasion of privacy. How about sending him a message from your own account? Or sending him a nice email? You shouldn’t be reading his private messages without his permission, ever.

My “Meredith advice” is to make it clear that you’re the kind of partner who’s willing to share. Encourage him to make plans with pals (male and female). Have a social life of your own, and tell him about the friendships you maintain outside of the relationship. If he gets the sense that you understand that you both need your own experiences, he should feel comfortable telling you what he does when you’re not around.

As it stands, he probably believes he can’t be honest about his whereabouts because of your jealousy. You have to stop proving him right. Start behaving like the girlfriend you want to be.

Readers? How can she let go of what she found on social media? What about the jealousy? What about their living arrangements?

— Meredith

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