When I talk to people about their good relationships – why they stay with a partner despite disagreements, discomfort, and the occasional desire to be on their own – they often say similar things. Like, “With my partner, I really feel seen.” Sometimes they say they feel heard. They also say the word “compromise” a lot.

You should think about those words/ideas and decide whether they apply to your relationship. Sure, your boyfriend is talented, funny, and honest, but does he understand why you’re special? Do you feel understood? Or are you just basking in the glow of his security?

Also, does he compromise at all? What has he done to make you more comfortable in the relationship? I’ll admit, I’m not that concerned about the TV thing. It’s possible to experience something you like with a new partner and create even better memories. But the cat issue … the inability to accept your schedule … these are all real concerns. I’m allergic to cats, by the way, but that’s why I wouldn’t date someone with a cat. I want people who love cats to go live a wonderful life with the pet they love. I certainly wouldn’t date and then shame them.

Instead of creating some list of pros and cons about this man, think about what he might say about you. Why has he chosen you as a significant other? What is he looking for in a partner? Does it match your hope for the future at all? If you can’t answer those questions, it’s time to ask.

– Meredith

Readers? Must a partner love your pet? Is this relationship one-sided?