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I’m 24 and my boyfriend is 27. We’ve been dating for about five months. I understand it’s still early, I just don’t want to be hurt in the long run.
I recently noticed that he saves pictures of Instagram models. Sometimes the people don’t reveal much in the pictures. Even when we stay together for days at a time, he still does it. We’ve been living together while traveling for the past month, and the discovery of the models has been bothering me ever since I figured it out.
Do you have any suggestions for what I can do, considering he doesn’t know I’ve seen this? In this situation, I’m leaning toward breaking up rather than torturing myself with these feelings forever. I also feel like I don’t match up with the body types of the women he likes on Instagram and it makes me feel ugly. Any advice?
– Torturing myself
Well, I would have advised you not to snoop, but I assume that’s already happened.
Assuming I’m right, and that you went into his social media accounts without permission, what prompted your behavior? Was he on his phone all the time in a disrespectful way? Did you suspect he was cheating? Or was this just curiosity?
If you looked for this information because something felt off – or you weren’t being treated well – a breakup might be the best next step. It sounds like this relationship moved quickly. Maybe the trust isn’t there.
Of course, if the relationship is wonderful outside of Instagram, you might want to consider why this bothers you. You could talk to someone (a therapist) about why you continue to watch what your significant other is doing online. How much do you need to know about a partner’s rituals? It might help to sort that out with a professional.
For the record, I’ve saved a bunch of pretty photos on my phone … and some are of actor Robert Pattinson. Most are from a 2009 feature in Vanity Fair (I love the sweaters). This does not mean I need a significant other to look like Robert Pattinson. The images do not prevent me from engaging with people I know.
Please think about how happy you are outside of the Instagram behavior. You told us nothing about why you’re with this man, but that seems to be the most important part of this. Let your satisfaction offline – in real life, when you’re not snooping – determine your next steps.
Readers? Is it time for a breakup? Would you be OK with a partner saving pictures of models?
Have advice for today’s letter writer? Be helpful. Be clever. Get your comment featured here.Meredith
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