First of all, love the column. Best 10 minute break in my work day, when I discreetly pull up Love Letters on the computer. I’m a sucker for a good story and even better advice.
I will try to be succinct with this one — I’m 27, he’s 31. We’ve known each other for four years and realized that we had romantic feelings for each other almost two years ago. Things are great and not so great, but that’s par for the course as people get to know each other more intimately and eventually live together (which we do). We always work through things by communicating our concerns/feelings/etc. I love him– he’s amazing and supportive, gives into my crazy whims, and is just ideal in every way (I know I’m setting myself up with that phrase, but the whole good-on-paper thing is true here). Anyway, I totally have baggage with our relationship …
Just before we started to “officially” date, we tested out the waters with date-like activities and grilled cheese types of sleepovers. As it turns out, he was also dating three other people at the time but never told me. OK, fair enough, we weren’t in a relationship, and I knew that if I wanted to be with him, I had to forget about what happened before he and I became “us.”
Fast forward to the present. He has a lot of girl friends with whom he plays co-ed sports. I’m good with that — I have a lot of guy friends. On occasion, when we’re out drinking, he might touch one of the girl teammates a little more than he should or just say something odd. I’ve confronted him about it. He is always apologetic. Mind you, this has happened maybe once or twice, and yes, I’ve gotten to know most of his teammates, male and female, just because they are super nice people I see out a lot.
BUT, what do I do when he is blatantly drunk and does something obnoxious right in front of me? We were at the Hong Kong (before it burned down), and he apparently grabbed some girl’s rear. I only know because the girl yelled at him about it when I was trying to leave the bar. This past weekend we were out, and just before last call, we were standing near the doorway when he started texting some girl I don’t know and gave her a pet name in the text (not a harmless one either). I only know this because I was standing right beside him and looked over at his phone while he was typing.
I’m a wreck. I always thought I was smarter than this, staying in a relationship with a guy who does dumb things when he is drunk.
I question where this leaves us and our future. At some point (and maybe it’s now), he has to know that drunken antics at our age when we have started talking about our future together are not okay. So … what do I do? Am I making too much of this?

– Trying to be Trusting, Boston