Have you talked to your boyfriend about any of this? Try asking him if he’s happy with the balance between you and family. Then ask how he feels about you speaking up to extended family, etc.

His answers (assuming he can be real with you) will reveal whether this is his problem or his sister’s. If he says, “Hey, speak up, be yourself,” you’ll know he’s not concerned . If he says, “I see my family a ton; I love time alone with you too,” you’ll know you’re on the same page.

At that point, though, you’ll have to consider the best communicate with his sister – because this is her problem. Or maybe she speaks on behalf of the rest of the family. When she complains about time, it might be best to say, “Maybe this is something to talk to [boyfriend] about.” Because it is.

I know they’ve been through a lot, and his sister has every right to share her opinions, but you can give her a kind and clear response in return. You can even thank her for her advice and move on.

I do think that over time, his sister might get used to a new normal. The comment she made about you not being around long enough yet … that might represent her own feelings.

Over time, even if things get easier on that front, consider whether you’re getting what you need. You want your own life with your boyfriend, where alone time isn’t judged, and you’re the center of attention, without an audience. If that’s not how things work, especially after a year or so, this might not be a great fit.

– Meredith