What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
I’m a 25-year-old woman looking to find someone to settle down with, but I can’t tell if I’m being too picky. Lately I feel like the grim reaper of dating because with just about every guy I’ve casually dated (honestly, it’s more just hooking up), I end things because I feel like there is someone better who will come along.
Is this a terrible mentality because maybe I will never find someone better? One of the guys I pushed away was pretty perfect on paper, but I felt like I could do better. Is it that hard to find someone I can be 100 percent into and confident about? Do I need to lower my expectations?
You didn’t tell us whether these guys are asking for quality time beyond the hookups. If they’re not, this is a mutual dismissal, and with most of these people, it’s just fun. No big deal.
With this last guy, it felt different. That doesn’t mean you made a mistake when you walked away. Whenever someone tells me a possible romantic partner is “perfect on paper,” the implication is that the person is not a good match in real life. Maybe this particular guy didn’t make you laugh. Perhaps there was no real attraction. I don’t know about somebody better coming along, but it sounds like you need someone better suited for you, specifically.
It’s also possible you’re not really ready to settle down, that you’re still in a phase of your dating life where you’re figuring out what feels right. That’s my guess – that you can imagine coupling up with someone, but you’re not there yet. Timing is important.
Falling for someone – without wondering who else you might be missing – involves a certain kind of mindset. You’re not feeling it, and that’s OK.
Readers? Is this about being picky?
Have advice for today’s letter writer? Be helpful. Be clever. Get your comment featured here.Meredith
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