I Give These People My All

What questions about relationships (or almost relationships) have been on your mind? Submit your own question here. You can also email [email protected].


To be quite frank, I’m absolutely unsatisfied with my love life. I feel like I’ve been searching for “the one” and can’t seem to find him. It’s been three years of dating with a handful of men from dating apps, however none of them ever seem ready to commit, want a serious relationship, or even want to show up for me the way I show up for them and their loved ones. I’m stuck, and each ending hurts more every time. I stick around because I have hope and faith that it will get better – but then doesn’t. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am and I give my all to the person I am with. I don’t know if I’m the problem.

– Girl stuck only in situationships


Finding the right partner can take a very long time. Your question seems to be about how much to give to people before you know they want to reciprocate.

It’s best to save the care and support for someone who earns it. It’s nice that you want to show up for someone and the people in their lives, but if that’s not something they’re offering to you, you might as well use that energy elsewhere.

Also, there is no obligation to stick around to see if a not-so-rewarding experience is going to get better. Sure, it can take months to get to know someone, but if they’re not meeting you at every next step, you can let go without wondering what might have been. You shouldn’t be doing the work for two.

If you let go of these “situationships” earlier, you might be less exhausted when you move on to the next thing. These connections should feel casual until there’s reason to believe otherwise.

Give “your all” to yourself and the people who are constants in your life. Don’t let a romantic partner become the center of anything until you know they’ll put you there too.

– Meredith

Readers? Is this letter writer giving too much, too soon? How do you know when to wait to see if something can be more than it is?

Love Letters

What’s your love and relationship problem?

Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.

About Love Letters