I Have A Crush On My Friend Too

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Dear Meredith,

Just now I read the letter someone wrote to you about suddenly realizing they might be in love with their friend. Presumably their friend is single, which makes things much less complicated. Because while I totally identified with the letter writer’s other concerns, the fact is that my friend, now my crush, is married. But I cannot tell how married he is.

He seems to spend little time with his wife, so little that until recently I didn’t know he HAD a wife of several years! Plus she was recently diagnosed with some chronic neurological condition. I know this as he told me in passing of her and the recent diagnosis! It may be stupid not to simply cut and run, because the secrets he’s just blindsided me with have stunned me. I really don’t know what to do. I’m at present a nervous wreck. Please, please advise!

– Friends


Cut and run, please.

If I thought the friendship was important, I’d tell you to talk to this person about why he didn’t share these personal details. Because really, it is confusing.

But this isn’t a best friend. He’s not your platonic buddy for life. This is your crush, and he’s married. And not just a little bit married. He’s not separated and waiting on paperwork for divorce, or moving out of his home. He told you he’s someone’s spouse and that his wife has a chronic illness. I assume that means he intends to be a supportive person in her life. I hope.

I can’t tell you why he didn’t share this information earlier. Maybe he was enjoying the escape; perhaps he doesn’t get to talk about himself very much. I can’t guess his intentions or motives, but I understand why you’re shocked and upset. Turns out, he might not be great at friendship, even if you desired it.

The romance isn’t happening. It’s a bummer, I know.

Accept that truth – and set boundaries.

– Meredith

Readers? He didn’t mention the marriage? What’s been happening here?

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