Hi Meredith,

You’ve probably heard this story before, someone having trouble getting over an ex especially around the holidays. My ex and I dated for a year and things were OK but we would have the same argument every month. I thought she had anxiety issues and suggested counseling, which she’s done before, but she thought I just didn’t want to deal with her emotions (which was also sometimes true).

We dated for a year and then stayed friends for a long time after that. For the first couple of months we were friends with benefits, but I stopped that because I was afraid I was leading her on. Just before our last FWB encounter she told me she “would always love me as a friend” and that’s why I shouldn’t feel guilty. I took that very seriously since I don’t make friends easily and we were really close. I considered her my best friend even after we stopped having sex. But I always knew she wanted to get back together.

Fast forward to about three months ago. I knew she was dating but she finally got serious with another guy. I, being an idiot who has trouble reading my own emotions, didn’t deal well with it and told her I thought I still had feelings for her. She told me that we needed time apart to help me get over her. I’ve been in this situation before and “some time apart” turns into “I’ll never speak to you again.” And this was a week after I helped her move.

Since then I’ve seen pictures of her and her new bf — her taking him to meet her family and going on vacations with him (I consider that pretty quick, but my opinion doesn’t matter). I defriended her and all of her friends on FB because I can’t handle seeing updates with her and her BF without getting incredibly hurt. I’ve sent her an email for Christmas just wishing her the best but I doubt she’ll respond.

I understand through therapy and friends that I can’t control her actions and that she’s an ex, etc.. I’ve also been told that since she won’t talk back to me that’s a sign she still feels something too, but I’m trying not to read into her emotions. But I’ve always felt that because we were friends and especially because she said she would always love me as a friend that I’m particularly hurt (even though I know people say things they mean at the time but won’t follow through with). I’ve been dating someone else and I’m not even sure I’d want to date my ex again. There’s just this huge amount of hurt that I haven’t been able to get rid of. And the uncertainty of knowing if we’ll ever even talk to each other again makes it hard for me to move on properly.

Am I being unreasonable? Do I just need more time? And is there anything I can do to help this situation?

– Home Alone, Cambridge