It would help to surround yourself with people who are great to you. Pay attention to the kindness they show you and others.

If the people in your life don’t treat you and others well – if they’re behavior supports the idea that everyone is bound to let each other down – seek some new friends. I say this hoping that your nickname is a term of endearment. If your guy friends aren’t showing you respect – and if they’re not being honest to the people who care about them – maybe they’re not the best company.

At 21, everybody’s still figuring out who they are and how to manage relationships. Hurting someone’s feelings is inevitable. But respect and thoughtfulness helps. The more examples of healthy relationships I’ve seen in the world, the more optimistic I’ve felt about having them.

That’s my best brain-rewiring advice – to build the community that shows you what’s possible. Also, when talking about this, avoid the absolutes. You tend to fall for the idea of people, but that’s not something you always do. You don’t know what would happen if you met someone wonderful.

If your parents’ behavior follows you everywhere, look into therapy. We can learn to accept our family experience without letting it dictate all future decisions. Talking to a professional can help you figure out how.

– Meredith