What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
There’s a guy in my friend group who’s asked me out on a couple of dates and has been very nice to me – even when I’ve said no. He has said some very sweet things to me and was very patient. He has been clear about his feelings.
After I said no to his romantic requests, he came to me and asked if we could still be friends. Moral of the story: he’s just been really understanding about everything.
But here’s the catch: I’m struggling because I know that I could like him if I let myself. Prior to him asking me on a date, we weren’t very close, but we were friends and I know a lot about him. Except … it’s all the wrong things. He had a girlfriend and would talk about other girls while with her, and I just know I don’t want that in a relationship. That doesn’t work for me. I can’t have a boyfriend who is constantly talking about other girls.
I kind of confronted him about this, and he basically said that if we were in a relationship, I would be the only person he talks to/about. But having experienced his previous actions, I’m concerned I would be setting myself up to get hurt. He’s been nothing but kind to me and he has a good personality and he is a Christian, which is important in my life. My question is, should I give him a chance and see what happens or go with my gut and leave it alone?
– Take a Chance?
You didn’t tell us how he spoke about these other women. Was he saying disrespectful things about them? Was he stating to random acquaintances that he wanted to try to cheat on his girlfriend with these women? If that’s the case, then yeah, I understand why your gut is yelling, “No thank you.”
But depending on what was really said, it sounds like a small percentage of your gut wants to know more. Sure, he can promise that he’d be different with you, but why? What did he learn from that last relationship? Why did he stay in it? You said you “kind of confronted him,” but why not go all in with the questions? You’re also making decisions about your friendship with him right now. If you want to know something, ask.
Please know that there’s no reason to make a decision right now, no matter how he answers the questions. You can stay as you are, just thinking. You can even be on the fence about a friendship. Sure, maybe he’ll run off and find another significant other, but that’s OK. It’ll give you the chance to see whether he’s any different in another relationship.
I just think that when you’re this much of a maybe – with so many iffy feelings – there’s no reason to do anything. Don’t let a fear of missing out push you into anything that makes you uncomfortable.
There will be others.
Readers? Any reason to give this person a chance? What questions would you ask of the guy?
Have advice for today’s letter writer? Be helpful. Be clever. Get your comment featured here.Meredith
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