Did she explain why she frames her stories this way – why she claims tickets are hers when you bought them together?

I wonder if she can be honest about the reason, even to herself. There might be guilt for moving on from people she loved for a long time. It could be about grief. Perhaps she likes feeling single and independent, even if she enjoys being in the relationship.

If you didn’t ask her why she adjusts the truth when she speaks to others, please do. It’s important to know where all of this is coming from. You require more than a silent nod.

You can also tell your own story in these moments, without being passive-aggressive about it. You can say, to any audience, “We have season tickets to the ballet and the symphony,” and leave it at that.

As for the daily references to past loves, I think they’d bother you less if you felt more connection in the present. You say the two of you are in love, but does she show you how she feels? Do you feel appreciated, seen, connected, etc.? You can explain that it’s easier to appreciate her history when you’re part of her story.

My guess is that this relationship is still new for her, and less serious than what she experienced with past partners. Two years might feel like a blip compared to what she had with husbands. That’s understandable, but she shouldn’t pretend you’re her casual date for the night – or lie.

Talk to her again. Ask her more questions, and tell her how you frame what’s happening to your own community. Maybe she needs a new script.

– Meredith

Readers? What does this behavior suggest? Is it OK to mention late spouses/former partners daily? What if this doesn’t change?