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I met the love of my life in college in the mid ’90s. We kept in touch sporadically until right before the pandemic. We decided to let our guards down and met up with each other in our home state. At first it was a fail, and then a snow storm hit! We were trapped. We expressed more than feelings that night. I visited a couple of times at my expense. He never offered to ever cover costs, and I don’t understand why (he is a well-known artist).
We made plans for the future time and time again, but then I was ghosted. I was so ghosted! I feel so used and betrayed. I have written letters, texted, but received no response. My heart has hurt for a year. We are coming up on on a year of not speaking and no resolution.
I’m going to see family in my home state over the holidays. My question is, do I attempt to contact him again one more time for answers – or do I just let him go? I do believe he is the love of my life, and at 50, that’s something.
The love of your life wouldn’t ghost you. He’d write back, at the very least.
That’s why I don’t think you should reach out again. It’s time to normalize going to your hometown without seeking him out. You’re there to see family – people who love you and want to know where you are. Give them your attention.
I wish I could provide some answers about what happened with this college love, but all I can say is … that’s who he is: a college love, one you kept in touch with for years, with no major goals for sharing a life together. In some ways, he’s more imaginary than real. You’ve done a lot of work to decide what he could be without him having to prove it.
Many people find great loves in their 50s, partly because they’re at a point where they know themselves so well. Give yourself permission to move on so you can have that kind of experience. The longer this man owns your heart, the harder it will be to recognize when someone wonderful is showing up because they want to.
Readers? Reach out? Love of a lifetime? Well-known artist?
Have advice for today’s letter writer? Be helpful. Be clever. Get your comment featured here.Meredith
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