They Were Not Swingers, But Not Far From That. ‘

Tuesday | January 18, 2022

Love Letters Dating

They Were Not Swingers, But Not Far From That. ‘

Send your own relationship/dating question to [email protected] or use this form. I’m ready to read.

My boyfriend of 10 months was recently officially divorced (#3!). He told me some things about his and ex’s activities as a couple – with other couples – that I could have lived without knowing. I was shocked and VERY offended. They were not swingers, but not far from that.

He has bad mouthed her to me, yet he still had her number in his phone! They did have a small business together, but that’s been done for months, so there’s no need to communicate, in my opinion. I told him I was offended by that and wonder why he kept her number. (By the way, she cheated on him toward the end of their marriage.)

He became a bit defensive but didn’t give me a straight answer. I think he felt that I was being controlling, and I told him it was offensive to me if he was truly done with her emotionally. Any thoughts? My dumping him is still on the table, as far as I’m concerned. I love him but can walk away from this if have to.

– Offended

“My dumping him is still on the table, as far as I’m concerned.”

It sounds like this is the path you want to take.

I’m not taking sides here, but I don’t think it’s weird to keep an ex’s number in your phone, especially one you married. At the very least, it’s nice to have the person’s contact information saved so you know it’s them when they call.

But you don’t like it – and you don’t trust his intentions. You also can’t seem to get comfortable with this man’s past. You used an exclamation point when referring to his three divorces. You went all-caps to explain how you’re offended by his sexual history.

You told us you love him, but didn’t bother to say why. All you’ve made clear is that you’re uncomfortable – and that he’s expendable. If you can’t accept who he is and the life he’s had, let him go. You can’t rewrite his history.

– Meredith

Readers? Time to move on? Or can the LW reframe the history here? What about keeping the number in the phone? A red flag?

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Featured Comment

You don’t sound compatible or happy with him. Ask yourself if drama is part of what drew you in. I know you’ve spent 10 months, but why put in more? Call it a day. Pearl clutching is tiring for everyone.

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