After getting divorced, I began online dating, and after about a half-dozen “misses” I met someone (“Jane”) who’s a contemporary (in her 50s). Nearly a year later, we greatly enjoy each other’s company, but the relationship lacks one critical thing – physical intimacy. Neither of us has had sex for many years, dating well back into our failed marriages.

I find Jane immensely attractive in virtually every aspect of her personality, and very much so physically. She considers me attractive, but says there is no chemistry to promote a sexual relationship; she prides herself on her honesty and I consider this apparent contradiction to be sincere. Jane has told me that I am a “great catch,” likes me a lot, and fears that she will someday regret letting me go, all of which perplexes and saddens me that things are not different.

We continue to see each other “as friends.” Recently we attended a party and I met one of Jane’s close friends who knows the story; she told me how many great things she has heard about me from Jane, and to “hang in there.”

I have told Jane that I love her as a person, to which she responded that she feels the same way. She says she cannot pinpoint anything negative about me to explain the lack of chemistry, that I am “doing everything right,” and that the problem is “all her” (to which she expresses frustration and apologizes to me).

Am I dreaming to think that the chemistry will someday change? My head says to move on, but objectively I don’t expect to find someone so intellectually and personally compatible as Jane for quite some time, if ever. Thanks for reading this, and for any suggestions.

– Chemistry fan no more