It took me a really long time to learn this, but there’s no way to get all your questions about someone answered before dating them. Even if you’re friends with someone for years before pursuing a relationship, you’ll still be vulnerable. You still might learn things you don’t like.

It’s frustrating and a little scary, but getting to know someone as a possible significant other often means trying it out. After gathering some basic information, sometimes you need to listen to your gut and jump in, making decisions as you go.

In your case, this is the time to say, “I see myself with you. I want to be with you – exclusively – because you make me happy. Can we try it and see how it feels?” He might hesitate, and maybe he’ll need time to think after all this time, but at least you’ll have stated your intentions.

Also be clear about what would be different, other than not sleeping with others. How would your mindset and behavior change? What are you asking for?

If he doesn’t want to try exclusivity and prefers the current arrangement, you might want to rethink the boundaries of your relationship. You don’t want to share him with others. It doesn’t feel good. Maybe you’re more interested in finding someone you can get to know while the relationship is in progress. Maybe not pursuing this in a real way has been you following your gut this whole time.

– Meredith

Readers? Any reason to wait with this request? Thoughts on the path to exclusivity for this LW?