What’s your love and relationship problem?
Ask Meredith at Love Letters. Yes, it’s anonymous.
I am a grown adult, but I feel like I am dealing with a childish problem. I am married to a wonderful woman and we complement each other so well. We have our ups and downs, but I am a firm believer in talking things out and working through problems. Usually we see eye to eye on things, but with this particular matter we have agreed to disagree, and I need an outside opinion.
This is my first marriage, her second. There are no kids from her first marriage. They were young and incompatible. They did not have a messy divorce — her husband just gave up and walked away.
Several years ago, when we first got together, there was some tension between myself and the ex-husband. We have never spoken in real life but have had some interaction over social media. My wife currently works for her ex’s family so they all have remained somewhat close. Everyone but the ex has welcomed me into her life. He has made it clear he does not want any type of interaction or communication with me, which is fine. My problem is that he still interacts with her family, and they all allow it. They post pictures and he will make comments, unless I am in the picture.
I have mentioned this to my wife and she tells me I am acting paranoid, or says I should just ignore it. Ultimately it is driving a wedge between us because I do not want to ask her family to stop interacting with him, but I also do not want him to be able to check up on us, which is what essentially is happening. I feel like the only solution is to give up social media, or at least block her family, but I feel like that will cause more problems. I have brought this up to my wife and her family in person and they all disregard what I am saying and let this all continue. What would you do in my situation?
I’m with your wife and her family — it’s best to just ignore him. There are a lot of weird things we have to overlook on social media. People say mean things, and exes pop up in news feeds. It’s not always pleasant, but what happens in the real world matters so much more.
And that’s why I have to ask about the ups and downs you mention in your first paragraph. How down are the downs? Is there a real-life reason you’re so affected by this guy’s online presence? Take some time to think about why this bothers you so much.
If you’re truly happy with your wife, please learn to roll your eyes at her ex’s comments and move on to the next page. Her family isn’t going to block this guy. It’s up to you to check social media less and focus on what’s in front of you.
Readers? Should her family have been more responsive? Should the letter writer stay away from social media?
You only have her side of the story, you know. Maybe he wasn’t such a terrible guy. Are exes supposed to be automatically driven from the village with pitchforks and torches? It doesn’t seem like anyone’s bugging you about, making you have a relationship with him, etc. He’s just commenting on pics. It doesn’t seem worth making a stink about it.? dangleparticiple
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